Sunday I took a trip on the metro. I had a choice, stay home and do nothing, or get of the house and get some fresh air. I picked the latter. On my little day trip I sped off to downtown L.A.. I didn't really have an idea what I was going to do there, but I just had this notion that I would take some pictures, and go from there. Whatever came up would be good enough.All in all it was a great day. I took the gold line to Pasadena, and took a bunch of pictures. I stopped off on one of the stops, and walked a few blocks around the neighborhood. Nearly everything was closed, and no one was on the street. It was, in essence, a dream situation since my dream is that half the people in this city would move out. That's not going to happen, but I have found that there are some parts of town that are nearly empty. I loved every minute.
The final nail in a certain coffin was placed today, a figurative nail that came to me in a lesson. I've debated this in my mind for a while, but now I think that I can implement it. I'm at the exact moment in my life where I can shed some personality traits that I feel have caused me grief. All my life I have had the problem of becoming too attached to people, things, places, and ideas. But right now, at this very moment in my life, when the person I most cared about is gone, I can put up an emotional wall, and never get that close to anyone ever again. Now hear me out. I have a plan to basically keep everyone at emotional arm's length.
This is a perfectly executable proposition. Yesterday I spent the day by myself, and enjoyed every second. When I spend my time in groups of people I find that I don't enjoy most of those moments. Spending time with a friend, that's different. But anything over 3 people, including me, and I feel that I want to bolt. In that situation I'm no longer able to do what I want. Right now I'm a wee bit selfish. The lesson that I learned yesterday was twofold. I learned that attachments cause me suffering. Much like how wants are the root of all suffering. Wanting to appease an attachment causes me suffering. There was a moment yesterday, right before I took the train to Pasadena, where I looked at my watch and said to myself, "It's getting late, I should get home." This was followed by the thought, "Wait, why am I rushing home?" The answer was, there was no reason to rush home. With that I boarded the train to Pasadena, and told myself to sit back and enjoy the trip. It was a defining moment for me. A year ago I would have gone straight home. Half a year ago I wouldn't have even thought about making the trip.
This lesson amplifies a pair of other lessons learned recently. Those lessons being, take life as it comes, and do what needs to be done to get the job done. They seem so simple, but often we don't take the shortest route from point A to point B. Life has a way of working out... for better, or for worse. This is what I thought about while on the train.
