| Today is the 17th anniversary of my Mother passing away. I don't mark this day in any significant way anymore. I always say it, but it really doesn't seem possible that it's been SO long. I was thinking about how quickly the time flies. I didn't do much in my life right after she passed. And she probably worried about where I would end up in my life, even as her life was ending. I like to think that she would be happy about how I finally buckled down and got my degree, and got a pair of jobs. She might not have approved of my relationship with TheGirl, or many of the choices I've made over the years. Overall I think she would just be happy if I was happy. And I am happy. There were some down times, mainly three years ago, when everything seemed to have been going wrong. Now, things are going great. The missing pieces certainly include not having my Mother here to see what I've accomplished. The same goes for my Grandmother, whose anniversary of her passing, I just realized, was a month and a half ago, and I didn't even journal about it because I was having a bad day dealing with my aunt. In my Grandmother's case it's been nine years since her passing. The same things I just said about my Mother applies to my Grandmother. She, more than anyone, wanted to see me finish school. I didn't until after she passed. When I finally got that degree it was bittersweet, because she didn't get so see it. I didn't walk because she wasn't there. These two woman are all that mattered to me in my life. I should have doing better by them when they were still alive. I've done right by them now that they are gone, but it is too late. What I do now I do still for them, and for myself. As far was everything else, well work was work. Nothing too overwhelming. My coworker Stash and I were thinking of going to a fish and chips place in Alhambra after I got off work. But the place we really wanted to try was closed today, and every Sunday. We'll have to do this on a Friday or Saturday. Bullshit! I tried to make plans with TheDesire for this coming Saturday, and for a while it looked like we had a solid yes. But then she mention that she might go out of town this weekend. She has Friday and Saturday off, on purpose I'm sure. Perhaps even Sunday off. I knew she wouldn't want to spend her actual birthday with me, but I hoped for Saturday. After an exchange of texts it looks like she and I will have to go to the Getty Center NEXT week, March 29th. I was hoping to have this time with TheDesire, especially since TheGirl is out of town on her own little quest. I suspect she'll sleep with some guy she knows up there. Who the fuck knows with her any more. Not that it should matter to me who she sleeps with. She should be more concerned with who I am spending my time with. If only I could crack that veneer around TheDesire. If only she would give me a tiny chance, a moment to try and win her over. So, March 29th it will have to be. End Communication. |
