| I was talking to my little sister the other night. She was asking me about the girlfriends I have had throughout my life. Mainly she asked me why I don't have one now. It got me thinking, why don't I? Now, here it is, a few days later, and I have the answer. A few years ago I went out with a girl named Deborah. She was a cute. I meet her in a computer class that I was taking. I gravitated to her because I found her to be attracted, I won't deny that. She gravitated to me because I was smart, as it turned out. I thought she really liked me. However, as it was, she only wanted me around as long as it suited her, and as long as she got my help in the class. To make a long story short, we dated and hung out together for as long as the class lasted. See, she wasn't doing very well in the class, and I was. I was akin to the unoffical helper in the class. I helped everyone in the class, and Deborah especially. I helped her understand things she didn't get the first time around. I helped her get an "A" in that class, and I got my heart stomped on because of it. She used me like a piece of toilet paper and threw me away when she was finished wiping. I took it hard when she told me that she never really thought of me as a boyfriend. Maybe I mistook the signals, maybe not. I was naive at the time, and because of that I got my insides kicked out. She used me and I still haven't been able to put those feelings aside and trust that no one else will use me again. I haven't really dealt with those feelings in the years that have passed since I encountered Deborah. I think it's time that I did, and come to an understanding as to why I keep people at arm's length. That's my homework for the week. I'm off... |
