| I had a strange dream last night. I haven't had a dream involving MFC in a long time, a few years at least. Anyway, the dream had me walking around a huge building, like a loft space in some downtown building. I could see outside and I was at least 10 stories up. I looked down an edge, something I don't usually do because of my acrophobia. I looked down this time and didn't have that rush that I feel. A few moments later I'm walking around the building, down a hallway. There are a lot of students, I know that they are students because they have backpacks and books in their hands. I see MFC in the hallway and I walk up to her. The other day I was reading a letter I wrote her, but didn't send her, and I think it triggered what followed. I called to her and began to talk. The conversation quickly turned to the letter, she had obviously read it. At least in my dream she had. What got me was how she reacted to the letter. She got up in my face and told me to stop loving her. She continued that she didn't even know me but that she wasn't going ever be interested in me... and, that I had to go and find someone who would love me in return. She then turned around and went into the room. I woke up after that. It does make me think that there is something inside me that is telling me to finally let go. I thought I had let go a few years ago, but there are still remnants of the initial spark that I felt for her. Nevertheless, I have to finally walk away from the dream of MFC if I am to ever open my heart again. I haven't done so since then, and I'm not sure that I can now. |
