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Whenever -- 2001-04-29
 
Last night I was wasting my time chatting to someone online, talking about the ghosts of the past. This person had just broken up with their significant other and they were felling pretty low. I did my best to cheer them up, and I think I did a pretty good job at it. Sadly, it made me think of my ghosts of the past. Namely one Kat. Here it is, over a decade after I first saw her and I'm still in love with her. I guess it's my curse to have my first love be an unrequited love. I'll go on the rest of my days with her in my heart. I may find someone to help me forget her, but it won't be totally. There will still be times, like tonight, when her ghost pays me a visit. Tonight her visit was triggered by a movie, the movie "Chaplin." There was a moment in the picture in which Chaplin goes back to England for a visit. He goes there to see his first love, a girl he asked to marry him. Just as the train is pulling into the station he finds out that she has been dead for the last few years. He begins to cry, just as I am right now. The thought never crossed his mind that she might be dead. And now, as the thought crosses my mind I feel as if I will burst. OK, I'm better now. Still, I realized something... I'll always feel this way towards Kat. Whenever I hear her name, it will remind me of her. Whenever someone talks about their first love, I'll think of her. Whenever I drive by her house, I'll think of her. Whenever.

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