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Apropos -- 2001-07-25
 
Do you ever just get the urge to cry? I have that now... and have had it for some time now. I seem to want to cry at the drop of a hat, and I don't know why. Movies, books, they all touch me... but as of late I've had trouble holding back the tears. Perhaps that's the problem, my continued attemps to hold back my tears has finally overflowed the emotional dam built to hold them all back. It doesn't seem fair to me that I am forced to let my emotions out. I was quite happy bottling them up and placing them on a high shelf. Now they go and rear their ugly head out from where they hide. I tell you, that's not fair at all.

I just finished watching the movie "Gods and Monsters." Very good movie. Apropos as well, which seems to be a thing in my life. More on that later. The main character suffers a stroke which keeps him from suppressing his memories. Seems that I'm always finding myself face to face with something relating to my life in the movies I see, or the books I read. It's always been this way. It's so very funny how the universe places something uniquely appropriate for any given situation in my life. Almost makes me think that there is an invisible force watching us... helping us at times... pushing us along mostly. I feel wholly ready to discharge some of these emotions that seem to find me at the worst moments... but I don't know how. My main task has been keeping them in, not letting them out. OH... I do need help in these matters... but who to turn to?

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