You know, I'm an idiot and a joke. Really, I am. I went back to school a little while back in order to get my degree... but, a funny thing happened on my way to a degree... I fell on my face over and over again. I was telling my aunt the other day that there is no such thing as luck or fate... except that which me make. Which makes me doublely stupid because I picked all the wrong classes this semester. Fuck! One was the wrong math class and the other is a class meant for people who are pre-med! What the hell... why wasn't that in the schedule of classes!? Still, at the same time, what was I thinking taking a Anatomy class so far out of high school!?
The only good thing that happened today was that I spoke to one of my former professors. I asked him if he could help me with my writing. I must use the extra time dropping that Anatomy class gives me to write like I've never written before. I don't know if it will be good, but for a while now I've felt the need to say something and to hopefully touch people with my work. If I fail that above all I will know that my life is a total waste and utter failure. I feel it's leaning towards that now. I can still push it back before it totally goes down the shit pipe... but just barely.
Dammit... all the girls today looked so great. I was talking to this one girl was so really cute... but then I stopped before I got too far. I remembered my promise to not pursue any relationships. It wasn't easy, but I don't think I can take another go around on the search-for-a-girl-merri-go-round. That's an old game I'm not willing to play anymore. Not, at least, until I get some good karma going. I thought about going and asking H.S. out... but then I thought better of it because the day had turned so sour. I wasn't ready for another disapointment.