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Late night -- 2001-09-18
I'm minutes away from going to sleep, but for some reason I'm here. I say that because I don't really have anything to say. At the same time I'm compelled to write anything that comes to mind. While that may just be what I just wrote, or more, I have to do it. If I search my feelings I quite a few things running through my mind right now.

First, I'm sleepy and I'm downloading something. Big mistake because I know I'll be feeling this tomorrow morning. I hate waking up so early.

Secondly, I'm still worried about my Grandmother. She has gotten sick every other friday, and this friday is two weeks since she last got sick. It took her nearly a week to get over whatever caused her to get sick last time, so I'm hoping that it has passed entirely. If she does get sick again I think I'll totally fall apart because the doctor hasn't found anything wrong with her.

Third, I'm getting over last week's shock, except that every time I hear a plane fly over I wonder if it's heading towards me. I know it's silly, but I notice the sounds of the airplanes more nowadays. Like I said, I fear that there might be another hijacking and someone is going to drive a airplane into my neighborhood. Even if it doesn't have anything that could be considered a target, like the WTC.

Forth, I want to talk to that girl that I was talking to AMouse last night about. There is this one girl in the halls who is way cute. I wrote about her last time. However, this other one sits about 8 feet away from me and when I turn around I notice her looking my way. Now, I joked with AMouse that it might be that she's looking because I have a booger on my nose... but, I like to think that maybe she likes me. I know, what a fool believes, right? Still, is it so far fetched? Guess it must be. Anyway, I was talking to AMouse last night about how my pendulum has turned from not wanting anything to do with women to the total opposite. I can't help it, I do love women. And then there's this promise I made myself that I would finally ask HS out. I wanted to get home right quick last time, so I didn't go over to pace in front of her office. However, I feel that when my Grandmother feels well this Friday I'll be able to concentrate on doing that.

Fifth, I'm worried that I haven't written a damn thing for my book in the last month... well, nearly a month. I'm getting mad at myself, but things have just come one right after another as of late. The WTC attack last week really shocked me, not to mention the fact that my Grandmother wasn't feeling well. Those two things made me a total mess. Still, if things return to normal I so want to get back on the horse this weekend. Hopefull I can get back on and gallop through the story like I was before all this happened.

Sixth, I feel so much pride for this country right now. I found a little American flag that I had in my room and put it outside to show my support. I don't often wear my patriotism on my sleeve, but I always wear it in my heart. Three years ago my Grandmother became a citizen. I took her to the ceremony downtown. I was there thinking how cheesy it was because they were playing songs and stuff. But then, when the offical asked everyone to stand up and take the oath I began to cry. I heard the words and they struck deep inside me. They were the ideals I live with everyday, but never really put into words. As I stood there next to my Grandmother I was never more proud to be her grandson, and to be an American. She loves this country, as I do, and I know that we'll make it through this trying time.

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