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Totally fucked up! -- 2001-09-28
I'm totally fucked up! Recent events in my life have made me think that I've totally squandered the last 10 years of my life. Granted, 10 years ago I didn't know what I wanted to do for the rest of my life, but still.

Now my Grandmother is not feeling well and I'm worried about the future. I don't know what I would do without her, though I have worried about it ever since I can remember. It doesn't look like what she is suffering from is fatal, but I can't be sure until the specialist sees her. I can't do much until that happens. :(

Last week I so wanted to get into the thick of things and ask one of the girls I have my eyes on, but I felt bad about it because I had this horrible feeling that I was being selfish. Life does go on, but I can't start thinking that I'm going start dating a new girl at this time. Even still, I need a companion right now more than ever. There are times like this when I need to open up to someone, and not just a journal. I miss that, a lot.

It's nearly 11:30 pm and I'm starving. I haven't been eating well because I've been worried about Grandma. There have been days in the last two weeks that I've eaten either once or no times during the day. :( Today I only ate twice, but they were the lightest of meals, and now that Grandma is feeling better I feel better, and my appetite has come back.

I'll take my camera with me to class on Monday and hopefully I can take a couple of pictures of the girls who I'm thinking of asking out. I'll add some comments to the pictures, if I'm able to snap a few shots.

For now, I'm going to get some sleep.

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