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It's off! -- 2002-02-25
It's with a heavy heart that I write this. (I know, those aren't my original words, so sue me) I think this whole Talia thing has to come to an end. Why? Because it's turning into a game and I don't like games. I think I mentioned that she has been like a yo-yo as of late... and that whole thing isn't something I like. It's so stupid that people can't just tell you where you stand. I told her my intentions, and she seems to get a perverse pleasure from using that against me. I can't believe that it took me this long to figure this out. I feel like a total dope for not picking up on this before today. And, I'm also mad that I saw this coming, but I didn't do anything to keep it from blowing up in my face, which is what has happened now. Great! Just great!

And so now I think that it's time I stop caring and just let that inner jerk inside every guy out of me. You know the jerk, the one that isn't interested in getting to know a woman, but rather in whether or not she's going to give it up. I've suppressed that inner jerk because I didn't think it was right to play games... but now I know that it's the only way to get anywhere in life. The last few years have taught me a lot of life lessons, most of them sad. Sad because I've discovered that being nice is equal to being a carpet and having everyone walk all over you. I've let people do that, and smiled as they did it. Maybe I just feel better about myself now, but I don't want to smile while I'm being walked on. I don't feel like a carpet, so why should I allow people to walk all over me? I never should have, but I didn't know better. From now on, I'll look out for myself, and the hell with everyone. In the past I was concerned with what other thought, and felt about me. Now, I just don't give a damn. I like me, and if you don't, who asked if I care?

In short, I can't go on trying to please everyone, because it's not something that's possible. And, I could bend over backwards for some people and even that isn't enough to please them. So, from now on, I'm only concerned with what I want, or need.

Oh yeah, Fuck You all!

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