You ever had something that you want to say but then when you try to say it the words fail you? I'm like that right now. There's something I want to say, but I don't have the exact words to describe what I want to talk about. I can't even think of what it was that I wanted to say at this point because it doesn't even seem to have a form just yet. OK, let's give this a shot anyway.
I still can't find the words. I'm trying but they just won't come out. I will tell you that part of me looking forward to the free time away from school. Since part of me is looking forward to that then it must mean that there is another part of me that isn't looking forward to not going to school until the fall. Strange.
I'm feeling a bit nostalgic. Not so much of the distant past, but of the recent past mixed with a bit of distant past. Just a smidge. There was a girl in one of my classes this semester that looked a lot like Kat. She could be her sister. Those old feelings came back for a little while, and I thought that I should ask her out. The thought that came into my mind was that if I couldn't have Kat all those years ago, then maybe this was the way that I could be with her, in a way. After thinking about that notion for a little while I felt bad. I didn't think it was fair if I asked this girl to go out just because she reminded me of Kat. I wanted to ask her just because she is a pretty cool person. I didn't, and I now I feel bad about it. Still, I'm not sure that I wasn't going to be able to seperate her looking so much like Kat with the fact that she isn't Kat. But, I think that's not a bad thing.
And so people walk into my life, and they walk out. They're acquaintances, though I wish that some of them would eventually turn into friends. It's the same thing every time a semester ends. I think that I might be able to keep in touch with a couple of people from this last semester, but you know how things are.
So, here I am, a little past midnight. It's offically Thursday now, but I'm still on Wednesday. I'm so sleepy right now, but I don't want to go to sleep. I've gone over this diary entry and I've added some stuff. I hate to say it, but I feel rather lonely right now.
A bunch of little random things happened today. Like...
I almost called Talia on the way home. I was in some traffic on the freeway and I thought that I should call her in order to say hi, and maybe set up a time in which we could hang together. The last time we talked she invited me to go see a movie. I couldn't go because I had a couple of appointments that day. But, I did want to take her up on her invitation. I should say that I was glad I had an appointment because I didn't want to make it seem like I was desperate to hang out with her. I guess you can say that I was trying to play it cool.
I went to HS's office in order to ask her out for some coffee. She wasn't there. I didn't have those old butterflies in the stomach this time around. Maybe it was because I figured she wasn't going to be there. Maybe it was because I have gotten that much more confident. Maybe it was just that I didn't think about it for a million years, building it up into something bigger. I was on my way to my car and I just walked to her office. I was near it, but I didn't think about it before hand. I walked in and thought about how I was going to ask her for some coffee. I turned the corner and saw that her door was not opened. I still went to her office door to check if she wasn't around. I was completely ready to ask her out at that moment. Sad thing is that I probably won't get a chance to ask her out before the fall.
The Lakers won their third straight championship tonight. Yeah man! I'm also so very glad that Chick Hearn is still the voice of the Lakers.
I think I need to get some sleep right now. I'm struggling to stay up. I should just end this entry and be done with it. Good night, and good morning.