|I lie to myself sometimes, or at least I deny certain things. The one thing I constantly deny is how I'm still in love with Kat. It's pretty damn pathetic that I still hold the torch for her after so many years. Fifteen years by my unofficial count. I saw her my sophmore year, fell for her my junior year and totally fell in love with her my senior year. She had a boyfriend, but I didn't care about that. I asked her out as soon as I knew that she had broken up with him. But, she wasn't interested in me. I was able to ask her though a former friend of mine if she would pose for a picture. She posed for that picture, and I turned it in. But, the real reason I asked her to pose was two fold... one was the assignment, but secondly I wanted a picture of her. I knew that I wouldn't ever win her over, but I still held out that little bit of hope that all fools hold on to when the truth stares you in the face.
There are times when I miss Kat to the point that I feel hollow inside. I remember how those moments that I spent with her are still among the happier moments of my life. I remember me bugging her all the time. I remember the day when a few of us in the class we had together were talking about gray hairs. I remember how I found a gray hair on her head, and plucked it out. I remember driving her home for those couple of weeks in which she didn't have a car. I remember I gave her one of those water bottles bicyclist have because she asked me where I got mine. I remember how a friend of mine made fun of her. I remember how I felt when he did. I was crushed.
Most of all I remember her eyes. I remember her voice, her inflection, and her manor. I remember because all I have is her memory. All I have are those memories. I don't have her in my life. Someday, when I'm much older, I'll be sitting somewhere. I will have not though of Kat for a few days. Then someone will walk by that might look like her, and I'll remember her again. I'll remember how much I love her, and why I'm still alone... because, yes, I'll still be alone. I'll still be perfectly lonely, and I'll still remember her just as she was.