As I walk in the valley between elation and misery I come to realize that life is ultimately wonderful. There is no use trying to make me think different. Because even when it has been darkest, I still believe that there is a light around the bend.I ran into the maiden of fair skin and hazel hair early last week. I start to wonder if fate plays a part in these chance encounters. I mention fate because very often I my mind will wander into a place where I'm thinking of someone I saw resently. Soon after those thoughts are being replaced by new thoughts that person will show up. Which follows very closely by feelings that I'm an utter fool for not taking a step towards fate, and talking to these girls that haunt my proximity.
Then I think, don't. I'm not sure why don't wins the majority of the time. The word Don't should not even be in my vocabulary. Nevertheless, it wins out. Which is why I'm trying to shout down don't with do. Let us hope, for the sake of my lonely heart, that it does work out for the best.
The other night a friend was talking about encountering someone out of her past. She told me it was cordial, and not awkward. In the back of my mind I wondered what I would say to Kat if I bumped into her.
Of course all these flowerly thoughts came to mind, but truthfully I think I would simply ask her how she was doing. My thoughts, for a very long time, used to drift to wonderment of where Kat was, and what she was doing at that exact moment. I don't think that way now, but I do wonder where she is. Could I be feet away from her? Could she be miles, states, or countries, removed? I don't know. Best not to think of her.
As I let go of hopes for Talia del Monte, and take her off my speed dial, she hops back into my life. She called the other night, and for the last three days consecutively. But of course. As soon as she senses I'm disinterested she flies at me at hyper speed. All of this doesn't matter since I'm not interested in her. I've said it before, there is no use pursuing a relationship with her, because she is only interested in playing games. I'm walking off that court.
I started this entry saying life is great. It still is. I can't understand people that can't understand that fact. However, I do understand that they might not be in a position where they would find life as grand as I do. No words I write could convince them otherwise. I consider myself very lucky to live the life I live. I have been blessed with many things. A good family that cares for me. Good friends that are there for me. And, lastly, I'm blessed to see the world as it is. Because for all it's wonders, the world has aspects that are profane. Yet, there is beauty in the profane. If only because it must exist in order for beauty to exist.
