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Bring on the World, Right now It Would Lose -- 2003-07-10
I can truthfully say that there was a time in my life that I felt very shy, and very much without a great deal of confidence. Those days are now in the past. I can proclaim to the world that I like myself, and that nothing the world throws at me will change that fact.

The road to self-confidence has been a long one to walk on. It has taken me from shyness, to self-awareness of the fact that I don't need anyone else's approval in life. I have self-worth, and all those that attempt to tear me down be damned.

I was not always shy. As a child I was gregarious, and often started conversations with strangers on the street. Despite the fact that I only spoke Spanish, and most of the people I tried talking to didn't understand a thing I was saying to them. Nevertheless, I was not one to shy away from people. Along the way to adolescence I grew more shy. Until I was so shy that I would rather not talk to people. I'm thankful that those days are far behind me.

Today the old me, which ironically was the young me, is back. Gregarious Eric has taken the reins from shy Eric, and is following a good path that does not include insecurity. So, to the world I say these words... You may think your tough, but your not. Your a pushover for someone who doesn't care what you think. Your a pushover for someone that doesn't WANT. Without your methods of control you are just a place, and no longer a challenge.

Dear Margaret,

A friend of mine called me today to tell me of her daughter's new song, which she hopes will shoot her up into stardom. I didn't want to tell her that the song sounded derivative, boring, and childish. Of course, that's my opinion. It doesn't seem to carry very much weight, but it is mine. I know that I'm right, because I'm always right. But, it's fine if they want to live in a diluted state that this will be the song that will fire rockets and launch a great singing career. I supposed it will because the song is very much like what's out there now. And, seeing as people don't want original, and good, music anymore, it should fit in well. I wish them both luck, even though her daughter no longer speaks to me. I suppose I was such a horrible friend to her that now I must be punished for my acts. I suppose caring for her deserves punitive measures on her part in the form of silence, and disintegration of a friendship.

I can't lie, I felt a great deal of animosity towards her, Michelle Cayada, for the silent prison she sentenced me to. But after I realized that her silence was not a prison I was trapped in, but rather the release from a prison of my own making, I no longer felt a bitterness towards her. I don't feel anything towards her now. Not a nostalgic tenderness, nor a hurt malignity. Now all I feel is indifference -- neither friendship, not ill will. Just... nothing.

Where once you were my friend,
Now there is simply you.
Whoever you are.

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