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Buck Up Time -- 2004-01-15
Dear Margaret,

Waking up early for the winter classes is really getting to me. I find that I am drowsy in the middle of the day. Not a little drowsy, but the kind of drowsy that makes you eyes hurt, and makes everything brighter than it really is. The kind of drowsy that keeps you from thinking at full speed. Not my favorite way to feel. But, this is what I get for signing up for an early class.

I wanted to beat the rush. Everyone takes the mid-morning class, because no one wants to wake up too early. But, here I am, waking up at the crack of dawn in order to beat the mid-morning rush. There is something to be said about getting up early. There's a lot more time during the day to do things. It's also quiet. The city looks like 90% of the people are gone. My ongoing dream, because I hate crowds of people. I was telling someone the other day that any group bigger than five is a crowd to me.

I love that it's quiet in the mornings. That silence is such a pleasure to me. There's way too much noise in this world. Spending time in the silence of the morning makes me feel so calm. Calm enough to think.

The Ikiru DVD I ordered finally arrived on Wednesday. I watched a little bit of it before class this morning. I started watching it as soon as it arrived. But, I didn't want to watch it just yet because I want to watch it straight through.

Back to class for a minute. There's this girl that I saw on the first day of the Winter session. I don't know her name. I only spoke to her for about 2 seconds, but I'm interested in getting to know her. Something in the way she spoke to me in those two seconds that makes me think she might be a kindred spirit. I saw her on Thursday, but I just let her walk by me without saying a word. I felt so stupid afterwards. Which brings me back to Ikiru. I love the movie, but the one thing I love about it is the lesson that you have to live your life without bounderies. You can't say you can't do something. That kind of attitude simply assures that you won't accomplish anything at all.

Lately, when I've paused in doubt about something I tell myself to not let fear dictate my actions. My mantra is to simply buck up, and do it. Can't let a little thing like fear cause me to miss out on things. Can't go through life regretting thing I didn't do. I hate that. I have enough of those moments in my life already. I don't need a truck-ful of more regrets.

Yet, I forgot to buck up and ask that girl out. I felt pretty stupid for forgetting to do it. But, There is next week. And I'm going to talk to her to find out if she is a kindred spirit.

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