|My Grandmother died Monday January 31st. The end came relatively quick. Having been diagnosed with cancer at the start of December 2004 I felt that it was esentially a death sentence. Yet, we all held out hope that it had been caught early enough. When it was determined that the cancer had spread, the one treatment option was chemotherapy. It was hard on my Grandmother, and during this past weekend I had planned on asking her if she felt it was worth the pain, and suffering. I never got to ask her that question, since she requested to be taken to the hospital. This in itself was unusual, since she usually fought any, and every, pain in quiet solace. She never complained about the pain, until it was very, very, painful.
I knew that the end was near on Sunday, but I didn't know it was so near. I have lost not only my Grandmother, whom I was very close to, but I also lost a mother and my best friend. She was my best friend, and because of that I will feel more of a loss than anything else. I had her in my life all my life. And now I will have to make my way in this life without her. But I'll still have her good advice to carry me through this journey.
So I feel both pain, and relief now. Pain for the above mentioned reasons. Relief in that I now know she is not feeling any pain. She is no longer suffering. That fact brings me great joy. I'll remember the good times, and not these days so much.