|After spending a stupidly lazy weekend at home, I hit the ground running today. It's feels so damn good to get things done. Firstly, the university said I'm A-OK set to go for the Fall semester. So that means in a couple of months I'll be signing up for Fall classes. Coolness. I'm on my way.
Then, I went over to a local store and filled out a job application. I so need the money right now. The bills are pilling up, and they aren't going to get paid on their own. I ran a couple of other errands, and boom, finally got home. It's been a long, but thankfully productive, day. After I filled out the job application I felt like I was walking on air. Strange huh? Nah, it's just good to get that done. Now I hope that I get the job. Filling out the application is all fine and good, but not getting the job would suck the joy out of today.
While at the store I went to bought a few things that I needed: motor oil, antacids, and gum. While in the candy aisle I found one of my favorite candies, Atomic FireBall, in a tiny lunch pale (pictured below).
How cool is that?
I need to be more spontaneous. Know something, I think too much. Not to say that thinking is a bad thing. Certainly I run into too many people during the day that don't think enough, or at all. So I'm not saying that thinking is a bad thing. But it certainly can be a bad thing when the thought process takes away from any spontaneity, any adventure. It can also be a bad thing when the over thinking process torpedoes opportunities. That's the worse. When over thinking causes me to miss out on something that would have been great. That completely stinks.
This past Friday I was in the mood for some super greasy food, so I headed over to my local McDonald's. I didn't realize that I hadn't been there in at least a few months, because as I waited for the food I turned around and saw this (pictured below).
Why is this significant? Because it reminded me of my Grandmother. The last time I went inside this McDonald's was the time I came with my Grandmother. I nearly burst into tears as I remembered those times. By then my food was ready, and I picked it up. The woman at the back of the counter must have wondered why my eyes were suddenly red. I went home, and ate my food alone.
Today I went into her room, for the first time during the day, since she passed away. I don't know why, but I had the urge to look through some of her things. I found her glasses, and that did it... I couldn't help but cry.
I miss her. SO much that in a way I can't really face the fact that she's gone. Death is so permanent that sometimes I feel that it's completely surreal. It doesn't seem real that I won't ever see her again. Here she was around for the entire span of my life, and now she's gone. From now on I won't have her around, but I'll have her memory around. And in that sense this seems to completely abstract to me. Perhaps I can't face the fact that she is gone, and not in the other room doing something.
For the first month after she passed away I would say that I was doing rather well. But now as more time goes by, I find that I miss her more. Something will come up in which I have to mention something she said, or did, and in my mind I have to hold back a sea of emotions. This was easy at first. I should have known that it wouldn't always be so easy to deal with her being gone. It's only gotten harder.