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Quick cold -- 04.22.05
I'm currently in the last phase of a cold. This cold came on fast, but also seem to be leaving fast. I'm hoping that it leaves by Saturday, since I have plans for Saturday. I drank half a gallon of orange juice today, then sat at my computer chatting, later talking on the phone. I haven't been productive in days, even before this cold hit me Tuesday. There are a million good ideas for something I want to write going through my head, but I'm so out of it that I can't make myself write. The cold was a good excuse for the last couple of days, but before that I had no excuse.

When I'm in my room I sometimes think that I see something out the corner of my eye, someone, walking into my room. I sometimes see what looks like some white figure, but not really a figure, but more like a blob. It's not even there most of the time, but in my mind I see something.

Saturday I'm riding the rails again. My friend Angelica Charla and I were planning on going to the museum, but I don't have enough money to go there. So we're going to ride the rails, eat some food at "The Hat," and hopefully take some cool pictures. I'll post them on my homepage: American Ecstasy.

Dear Margaret,

I'm sorry that I haven't written you in a long time. I've been busy, as you might have guessed. You could say I'm busy doing nothing, living life, trying to hold on. I don't think I'm anywhere near the edge, but since my Grandmother died a few months ago I feel completely alone. I know I have my family, but I push them away. I push everyone away these days really, because I don't want to get that close to anyone. I know that this will change in time. In time I'll be able to put aside the heartbreak of missing my best friend. It hurts so much sometimes. I see that the rest of my family misses her too, but everyone knows I was the closest person to her.

I hate the finality of death. It's so final that there really isn't anything that compares with it. Everything else seems to have a alternative, a way out, that doesn't make it as hard to deal with. But not death. There is no alternative. When someone dies they're gone, and there is no way they're ever going to come back. So perhaps it's wishful thinking that makes me think I see "spirits" walking into my room.


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