| I seriously need to win the lotto... like yesterday. Course, I haven't played the lotto in a few years at least. Only desperate people play the lotto, which is certainly a good way to categorize me at this point. I think I've gotten to THAT level of desperation. Tuesday I skipped lunch because I don't have the cash to pay for it, and because every food sucks. I mean if there was something really tasty to eat I could find a couple of bucks in spare change or something. I think that tomorrow I'm going to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, so I can eat that for lunch. One of my aunts brought me some incense today. I found the name of one of the packages rather funny. You tell me what you think (see below).  School is going well at least. But I seriously need to get out of this house. Not just for a day or two, or a weekend or something short like that. I need to just get out of here. I'm good and pissed off right now because everything is going so wrong. I'm chugging along, putting down my head and continuing ahead, because I don't know what else to do. Really I just want to throw my hands up and just get out of here, start new somewhere else. I'm tired of pretty much everything. I'm loving school, but that's about the only thing that I love. I so need to just let myself go as much as I think I do. I'm a fucking idiot because I hold back SO much. I should just fucking let everything out and see what happens. And I need to make it stick, completely and without question. I need to purge this stupid fear that something is going to go wrong because I did something stupid. Know what? Everything is going wrong, and that's the result of TRYING to prevent everything from going wrong. So I think it's time to stop doing everything wrong, and start to just say "Fuck it" and maybe some things will finally start to go right. Let's hope that I'm brave enough to just say and do what I feel. |
