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Value -- 10.21.05
I have this huge box sitting in my room right now (pictured below).

I was going to throw it away, but now I want to make something with it. I don't know exactly what I would make, but I'm thinking of some sort of photo project. Now I'll just have to think of something to do with it before the size gets on my nerves.

This week has been so up and down. Tuesday was kinda a sucky day because I got shot down. I asked this girl out from one of my English classes and was summarily rejected. Oh well, no pain no gain right?

Thursday I completely forgot to make my lunchtime peanut butter and jelly sandwich as I rushed out to get to class on time. I figured I would just say "forget it" to lunch, but then my stupid stomach started being a bastard and started to feel super empty. So I went and bought the cheapest thing on the Burger Queen's menu. It was a silly burger, but what else could I get on the short time I left myself, and on a super tight budget? Hey, it hit the spot and that's what's important. This entry pretty much sucks huh? I'm just listing what I did, and what's been happening and that always bores me when I read it on other journals. So yeah, I suck.

I've been saving my pennies and tomorrow I want to head out to the Huntington library in Sam Marino, right next to Pasadena. From what I remember they have this really cool Japanese Zen garden. I so want to go down there and just spend the day among the plants. On the way home want to hit two spots, the Container store, and the Central Library. Now, if I did my calculations right I can just make the day for under $20. This might not sound like much, but $20 represents a huge hunk of money for me these days. But money isn't important; it doesn't matter in the big picture. I have a friend that is obsessed with having a truckload of money. I'm so not. If I had to live off the dollar menu for the rest of my life I wouldn't mind it. You're probably asking yourself why I say that huh? Because, think about how money just brings you more problems than it solves.

Janis Joplin said it great in a song, "Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose." For whatever reason this seems to be the major theme running through my life the last few years. I haven't hit bottom, which is ironically enough when I'll be free and enlightened (so I believe). I can't reach full enlightenment with the burden of thinking about the value of money, when the reality is that it's an artificial value. Some people are going to be happy counting their personal value is directly connected to how much money they have. I feel sorry for those people, because they will never be able to fill that gigantic emptiness inside them. Only self worth can fill that emptiness. So yeah, that's what I have to say about that.

I have this picture cube that belongs to my Grandmother. I took it out of her room shortly after she passed away. I've had it in my room ever since. There's a great picture in there of me and her sitting on a neighbor's car (pictured below).

I have no idea how old I am in the picture, but I kinda remember some things. I remember that we didn't have a car. Our apartment was the one next to the one pictured. I think I still have that jacket in my closet somewhere. I thank the maker for giving me such a wonderful Grandmother. I miss that old apartment building sometimes, especially the garden in the back. There was a guy that would drive a huge old T-bird while I played in front of my apartment door. Those are the things that I remember when I see this picture, and now you know.

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