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Continuation on a theme -- 12.05.05
(11:15 p.m. Sunday night) I need a COKE right now. There's one in the fridge, but it's my last one. It's just so frustrating because tonight I was going to take some long exposure pictures for my last photo assignment. But, what happens when I go to the camera? I find that my camera battery is dead because I left the cable release cocked, and that drained the battery. A batter I just bought no more than a month an a half ago. Course, this means that now I'll have to go out and get a new one, and spend that much more money on some shitty fucking battery that will probably die because I don't take pictures with that camera, unless I have a class. And since next semester I would like to take another photo class, but I already have a full selection of classes that I have to take, there's no way I'm going to be able to take it. Oh well, I should be happy to stretch myself over 15 units, while trying to have a life, and trying to find some employment. Yeah, that will work, what with debt piling up.

You know that I was once less than a grand away from being totally out of debt? Yup, it's true. Now I'm swimming in it to the tune of... well, let's just say it's grown over $10,000 in this past year and a half. Oh, but that's certainly not the end of it. Goodtimes, NOT! Why am I bothering you all who read this with this shit? Time to change the subject.

On my recent trip up to Monterey I had the great displeasure of eating at Denny's. DOUBLE YUCK! It wasn't my idea, but I figured that I would give it a chance. It's been about 15 years since I've eaten at Denny's. The reason is because I ALWAYS get sick after eating at Denny's. It has never failed, three visits, three boughts with nausea. But, like I said, I thought I'd give it a chance. The previous two times had been here in Los Angeles, maybe the NoCal Denny's were better, I thought. How wrong I was to give Denny's another chance. They have this thing on the menu called a "Hershey's chocolate cake." That is a completely erroneous name for such a horrible piece of crap cake. Firstly, the "chocolate" didn't have a single bit of chocolate taste to it. If anything it was quite nasty. I'm thinking of writing Denny's and telling them that their food pretty much sucks ass. But, what's the use.

I still want my Coke, but there's only one in the fridge. Also, I have this nagging cough that is only getting worse. All this in time for finals, great. I should be doing my homework right now instead of writing this, but I need to vent.

Despite not having a dime in my pocket I still have silly notions of asking this girl out from one of my classes. Let us just name her BlankGirl for now, because that's what she kind of is. I hate to even call her that because she is really nice, from what I can tell. I can tell you that in the looks department she is absolutely stunning. But anyone that knows me would know that she's the kind of girl I like. At least in the looks department.

See, my dilemma is that there is another girl that we will call PoetryGirl until further notice. I LOVE her work. The girl is a poetic talent. She might be as good as I am. J/K She's way better because she feels her work, while I stumble through it with a cynical mind. She writes from the heart, I write from my brain. Still, this is why I want to be with her. She is that artistic beauty that is so much more substantial than physical beauty. Not to say that PoetryGirl is homely because she’s not, but in a direct comparison BlankGirl is the physically more attractive. In talking to a couple of my classmates about her it would seem that the consensus is that she just doesn’t seem to have a personality. Her poetry is blank too, which is why I have nicknamed her BlankGirl. Still, I wonder what kind of poetry, photography, and stories would come out of having that kind of beauty as my muse.

Well, we shall see if I end up asking either PoetryGirl or BlankGirl out. I'll take them to McDonald's where I'll get them anything off the dollar menu. LOL Maybe I will get that Coke out of the fridge. But not quite yet.

(11:54 p.m.) OK, I didn't drink that Coke but only because there was some lemonade in the fridge too. Fresh squeezed from lemons right off the lemon tree in the front yard. That little tree is hanging to the side, and looks to be half-dead, but it still gives some damn good lemons. Maybe the lemonade will clear up this feeling in my chest. I'm fighting off coughing fits, unlike my aunt who gets fits and can't make herself stop coughing. I rather feel the pain of holding in a cough than have the coughing fit.

So I have a ton of homework to do before finals. Thankfully all my work for my writing class is pretty much done. I still have to print it out, but I'll do that after I quickly look over it. Poetry, now that's another issue. I have the most work to do for my poetry class. But, I think that I have some time before... OK, I just looked through some of the papers I have on my desk and sure enough I have some time before I have to turn in the substantial amount of my work. Actually, I could probably do some of that homework tonight. Maybe I'll go do that right now. I know I have more to write here, so I'll just keep this entry open. BRB

(1:15 a.m.) I've spent the last hour and 20 minutes doing some homework and listening to Sarah Mclachlan. I'm sitting here in my near pitched black room, with only the dimmer light on low, and my Coke bottle lights lit. They cast a nice glow, despite being overwhelmed by the computer screen. I'm beat, it's been a long day and I'm ready to get some sleep. Thankfully, I'm not ready to burst into tears, but for some reason I felt that I needed to say that. OK, that was a random thing to write. I'm still thirsty, BRB going to get more lemonade. Back.

I love how dark it is right now. The house is nearly completely dark. There are a few of the nightlights on, remnants of my Grandmother needing a light to get around at night. Wow, that just hit me that this week marks a year since she was diagnosed with cancer. And something else just came to mind. The first day of the Spring semester will mark one year since she passed away.

The other day a person from Forest Lawn called me to ask me how I'm doing since her passing. I couldn't very well tell them that I've wanted to tear my teeth out sometimes, and pound the walls until either the wall came down or my hands were bleeding. I couldn't very well them that. I told them that I was hanging in there, which is true. I didn't mention the thread I was hanging from though. So now I have an appointment in the middle of next week to talk about funeral arrangements. How morbid huh? But the guy made a good point about being prepared. And really if I were to die right now no one would really be around to make the preparations. My aunt is completely inept when it comes to such things, hence me having to arrange my mother's funeral nearly nine years ago and my Grandmother's earlier this year. So who will know what I want?

Something else just hit me as I was writing that. I don't really have anyone that can step in and know what I want. My friends? My friends are few and detached, and don't really know me. Family? Same difference there. I shouldn't say that they're the ones that are detached, I'm the one detached. Oh well, it's nearly 1:30 a.m. and I want to get started and buy that camera battery tomorrow so I can finish up my assignment.
End communication.

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