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Bourgeois decadence -- 12.12.05
 
I wrote the following poem for my final poetry portfolio.

Salieriís Lament

i confess.
jealously and
admiration form a
strange concoction
of tugs and pulls, in
which i brew.

tugs of iniquity
stir, hoping
for similar brilliance, to
garner applause.

pulls of appreciation
adrift, knowing
the craftsmanship, the
deeper meaning.

i confess.
jealously and
admiration form a
strange brew
of wants, in
which i usurp, and
bask in glory.

I had to complete 10 poems this semester, and this is one of them. Most of them can be found on my homepage, if you fucking care to look. Which you probably don't, so yeah go fuck yourself why donít you.

Which brings me to my next subject. I'm pretty fucking tired of moping around because I'm feeling down. I should just be completely depressed or not. I'm voting for not being depressed by the way, and not letting it swallow me. Because you know what? Depression is so stupid, and a product of bourgeois decadence. I've made up my mind to discontinue this exercise in self-indulgent emotional wallowing.

Please, any of you who read this (all two of you) don't bullshit me trying to "make me feel better." I'm of sound mind and body right now and I'm saying all this because I see that wallowing about how "life sucks" and "the world is against me" shit is not the way to actually do something about it all. I ask you then to please, PLEASE, keep your bad advice to yourself right now. I'm planning on making a TON of mistakes in the next... who knows what period of time. I plan on falling on my face a bunch of times too. I plan on looking like a total idiot/fool but at least I won't be pretending to care about these so-called depressed feelings that my brain has manufactured for me.

Back to my poem for a minute (like you care right?). I wrote it to represent, of course, Salieriís lament. That is quite obviously self-evident. However, there is a lot behind it that I hope you see (you probably won't though since I'm sure you only gave it a cursory look). I'm not going to spell it out for you because I'll only be wasting time typing.

Speaking of time, I have a three page paper to write today, and figure out what classes I'm going to be taking next semester. So yeah, end communication.

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