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From sad to PISSED -- 12.14.05
(8:13 a.m.) I'm sick; I have a stupid cold AGAIN. What the hell man, this is the second cold I've had in a month and a half, and the third in three months. This one is actually the worse of the three colds. The last one wasn't so bad, but it lingered a little bit. This one came on fast and is kicking my butt. My chest feels tight, and it's taking all my resolve to not cough up a lung. I hate it when someone coughs and coughs and doesn't make themselves stop coughing when there are people around. Then again, I hate coughing period. Then again, I should really let some of this congestion out via a good coughing fit. Maybe.

I was chatting with Devotchka Del Lobo Tuesday night and I told her that I SO need to get back to my book. I haven't written a single word for it, not a single chapter, since August. WTF! How do I expect to finish this thing if I don't WRITE IT!?

While dropping off my poetry portfolio I saw the following on a professor's door.

NICE! I know quite a few people that could use a double dose of brains. LOL In the current tradition of challenging myself I have signed up for an advance poetry class come this Spring, instead of advance prose. My weakness is poetry, so I want to hone that aspect of my writing.

(11:38 a.m.) So after going back to bed I'm feeling much better right now. My chest is still congested as the 405 at 5 o'clock, but I am feeling better. Not quite 100%, but definitely not dying like this morning. Again, positive thinking! My Aunt has this cold too, and that sucks. She's been suffering from stomach problems since she's been here, and now on top of that this nasty cold. Maybe I caught my cold in sympathy. Nah, I caught mine the old fashion way... breathing someone else's germs. :(

(5:09 p.m.) OK, I'm a total fuck up. I guess it's official at this point. I would write about why this is my statement at this point but it's too long a story, and I'm sick right now. Suffice to say I just want to go away right now.

(5:36 p.m.) Wait a minute... NO, that's not what I want do to. ARGH! I'm not going to mope around for ANY reason. If anything now is a good time to just come out and be MORE honest. I was telling a friend a few weeks ago how I pretty much keep a lot of stuff inside. Yeah, imagine that. I'm an open book but there are still pages that you don't get to read. Well, I think that this is a good time to let you all read some of those pages.

(7:01 p.m.) Well, I'm still pissed off. Actually I'm getting MORE pissed off as time goes on. I think that yeah I fucked up retelling a story that I shouldn't. But it's in the past now and there's nothing I can do to fix it. So I'm moving on. I'm glad that meditating has given me this ability to be detached. You know what? I'm detached for a reason, because people can NEVER quite handle what I have to say. Keeping my mouth shut might be an option, but at this point I don't really have control as to what comes out of it. LOL So yeah, want to know some things? Go ahead and ask me. If you don't really want to know DON'T ASK. Hell, don't hang out with me period because I'm pretty sure to say something wrong.

Man, this explains why I have no friends huh. Can't blame people for disliking me, so yeah. Hey you, all you who don't like me now... FUCK OFF! More next time, I'm still sick, though this cold doesn't stand a chance against my MIND.
End communication.

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