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Exhausted at this point -- 05.03.06
 
Tuesday was another fucked up day for me. There are less than three weeks left in the semester and I'm so ready for it to just end now. At least when it comes to a couple of classes, English 465 and English 369. Both of these classes have been my bane this semester, and have helped me feel absolutely bored, stupid, and just plain bad at various times during the semester. The problems I've had in each of these classes have been a combination of just not clicking with the subject and having professors that are curt in their responses.

My 369 professor always blames the fact that the class is her forth of the day. Hey, it's my fourth class of the day too, but do you see me bitching about that? No, I rather bitch about the fact that after this class is over I can honestly say I didn't get a thing out of that class.

My 465 class, well let's just say that I have yet to click with the ideas in that class. I think there's something to be said about keeping things simple and not reading into things. But this class seems to be about nothing but read things that might not really be there. In another one of my English classes we talked about the problem of critics reading something and finding things that the author did not intend, or even wrote so that it would not be interpreted in that manor. Yet this class seems to be all about theoretical ideas that are often supposed by critics looking to find something that isn't really there. It's like the old idea that if you go out with the intent to find something you're bound to find it, even if it really isn't there.

So Wednesday I basically spend trying to do my homework. I've been completely negligent this semester with my homework assignments. It's just that this semester I've been asked to read much more than I'm used to in a given period of time. It's especially hard with the new job because my weekends used to be about catching up with my reading. These days it's about getting up early and coming home late from a job. A job that I hate to admit is growing on me a little.

Oh don't get me wrong, I hate that I'm making pennies a day, but at least those pennies are coming in. Course karma has turned against me and I'm having to suffer through a period of time when all the little things seem to be going wrong. It's really hard to deal with the little things going wrong. I can accept the big picture going to pieces if the little things went my way. But they're not and that makes things all the worse.

It's bad enough that my car is now on a death watch of sorts, but on top of that it seems that everything I do to keep things from getting worse just makes things worse. I should just stop trying huh? Actually that's good advice no matter what. Good thing I reminded myself of that, because no one else is going to.

On my way to my busted car I took the following picture from one of the parking structures.

That's Sierra Hall on the left and Manzanita Hall on the deep right of the picture. I take all these pictures because I don't want to forget. Memory is such a strange thing because I'll be sitting here and suddenly I'll remember something that happened a long time ago. Then other times I'll be doing something and I'll forget as soon as I turn around what I got up to get. See, memory is strange. But photos are so cool in that they don't forget. And in that sense I'm able to not forget. I'll remember, hopefully, that the day I wrote this I had a written exam in my 474 class and pretty much failed it because I didn't have time to read the novel. And I'll remember that I forgot to do my workbook for my Marriage and Family relations class. And I'll remember that one of my classes makes from my 474 class pointed at my head because she thought that I had gotten a haircut, though I just combed it different because it has too long. And I'll remember that another classmate in that same class said "we" should go to Costco the last day of the semester and get hot dogs because we walked by a bunch of students selling burgers for $5 a pop. And I'll remember that I became dejected because I was sure that Any Wonderland would reject me if I dared ask her out.

Speaking of her, this whole thing with asking her out keeps swinging like a pendulum. One moment I think that I should ask her, the other I think that I shouldn't even bother for so many reasons. Not the least of which being that I think she's just going to say she's not interested, and that would just about destroy me at this point. OMG, just thinking about that rejection brought forth a shiver to my spin just now. OH damn mother-fuckin' shit I don't want to feel like this right now.

Today has been a long day. As I write this it's nearly midnight and I just need to get some sleep, but I'm not tired. That's the strange thing about it, I'm not tired but I finally can say that I know what it's like to be mentally exhausted. Today I experienced physical exhaustion. I've felt frustration but this was a little different. I just didn't have the will to go on doing stupid busy work. Physically I feel damn good. I'm not tired physically, even though I'm not sleeping as much, and not eating well. But mentally it just got to me today. This is another reason why I'm ready for this semester to end. I don't want to remember those two stupid classes that just dragged me down.

Speaking of me not eating well... I haven't been eating well and naturally I've been losing weight. I made another hole in my belt in order to keep my pants from falling down to the ground. It's just that food has been so unappealing lately. Donuts on the other hand have continued to be super appealing. My aunt asked me to buy a box the other day, so I did. Still, if I end up eating a donut for breakfast and then not eating anything until dinnertime you can see why Iím losing weight left and right. Maybe it's a good thing because who needs to eat really? I sure don't. I feel pretty damn good despite not eating that well these days. Maybe it's a good thing that food sucks these days.

On a different subject I'm a huge fan of the show American Idol. I never miss it. If you didn't know one of the contestants is from Sherman Oaks. Today I went to the library, to pick up a book I stupidly forgot when I went the other day, and I saw a sign in the median proclaiming that "The Sherman Oaks Community," has, "McPheever."

Wow, finally Sherman Oaks makes it on the map. Now that the old Sherman Oaks Galleria is gone we'll be know as the hometown of Katherine Mcphee. Well, as long as she wins or has a huge career. I'm rooting for her, but I also think Taylor should win. OK, time to get off this subject.

This gasoline thing is simply getting out of hand. I drive by a gasoline station a few times a week. Here are a series of pictures that illustrate the ever rising prices.


Taken April 17th.


Taken April 25th.


Taken May 2nd.

Wednesday the price was up another six cents, making regular $3.35 cents a gallon. I think that by next month it will be $4.00 a gallon for regular. Hey Exxon... hey Shell... hey BP... FUCK YOU!
End Communication.

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