Right now a good percentage of things suck (but not really in a sense). The top thing is the fact that my cousin died on Monday. Her passing is doubly tragic because she was only 36 years old. My family had to once again see a mother bury her child. In this case my aunt had to bury her eldest daughter just like my Grandmother did nearly a decade ago. What makes this death different is how sudden it was. Barely three weeks ago she was alive and relatively well. Two weeks ago she was in the hospital. Last week she was seriously ill. The progression was so fast that it hardly gave anyone any time to know what was going on. There was talk of surgery, but that obviously didn't happen. With my Mother and Grandmother the shock was still there, but at least we knew for a while that neither of them would live very long. But with my cousin it really was something that happened overnight.
On a completely different subject, and I do appreciate that this could sound completely silly in light of what I just wrote... This semester REALLY sucks a lot. I said before that this semester could be called my quiet semester, but really this should be called my sucky semester. All my classes suck, they're boring and I pretty much just sit in class bored to death waiting for the time to go by. I only kinda like my senior seminar class, but only slightly and not because the class is so great. Course you knew that there has to be a pretty girl there. Duh! There is this girl in that class that is literally stunning (to me anyway). She does have more than a passing resemblance to Kat, from long ago. That fact opens a HUGE amount of baggage because automatically I'm going to fall for her. Whatever.
On top of school sucking work REALLY sucks to the Nth degree. I was on the register on Friday and Saturday, which completely sucks. It's the most boring job in the store I think. It's certainly boring to me because it offers very little stimulation. Talking to the customers is nice, but I can do that anyway. Being a cashier basically sucks because people will treat you like a damn piece of shit because they can't wait two seconds. I hope that they don't put me on the register tomorrow. But with my luck I know I'll end up behind that infernal machine sometime tomorrow. ARGH! I so have to quit this job, but yesterday.
Speaking of jobs though, I did get an offer to work at the school library. It's only for a few hours a week though, so I can't go and quit my current job just yet. But, perhaps in due time I can tell crappy Ralph's to go fuck off. Too bad I don't believe in wishing because then I would wish that I could quit Ralphs. Yeah, but a thought just hit me, when am I going to find the time to do my damn homework? Also, I won't have a day during the week that I'm not working or going to school. Monday (one of the days I've been offered at the school library) is the only day of the week that I have to myself. It's basically my weekend. With this library gig I'm going to be giving up that ONE day to myself. But you know what? The reality is that I'll still have a good part of the day to do stuff for myself. I guess I have no choice now anyways, seeing as I agreed this morning to go for the library job. So yeah, if you're on campus and you're reading this come by the library and say hi. I think I'll be working the information desk, but I'm not entirely sure just yet.
This is getting to be old news but a couple of weeks ago I plucked down my American Express card and bought myself a MacBook. It's the little duo core job that probably has the computing power of 20 trillion computers like the one that took the Apollo astronauts to the moon, or some crazy statistic like that. Either way it's cool because while I love my Vaio it is rather heavy. Too heavy for me to take with me to class. I tried carrying it around but it's just too heavy, especially since the battery on it dies after about an hour. Which means I have to carry the AC adapter, which must weigh two pounds alone. Lugging all that around while also carrying a bunch of heavy books sure isn't good for my back. Also, I felt it was the time to make the transition to the world of Macs. Window Vista is coming out, supposedly, next year, and you just know it's going to be full of holes and problems. What version of Windows hasn't come out with a bunch of security holes? This little Mac does something that's really cool... it just works. I don't have to worry about it crashing, or having to figure out how the internet connection is going to work. It just works intuitively and logically. In a few hours I was like, "Damn stupid Windows!" Funny thing is that if I wanted to I could run Windows on this machine. But why ruin a good thing?
Well, you're now up to date with what's going on in my world. There is something I wanted to talk about though in regards to my cousin. She had a difficult life, and perhaps that's why she found it easier to retreat into her room and shut the world out. If there is anything that I've learned from the deaths of my Mother and Grandmother is that life shouldn't be taken for granted. What I wouldn't give to just see them for a few moments right now. What I wouldn't sacrifice to just know that they're all right. Things like that just don't happen though, so I'm left with living my life to its fullest. One of the things I thought about when my cousin died is just how overwhelmingly happy I am to be alive. I mean when you see me I'm smiling from ear to ear because I truly love being alive. So many people can't appreciate the situation they are in. They hate their job, like I do, and they hate not having time for themselves, like I do. Yet, there is so much beauty in the world that those thoughts quickly exit my mind. What I'm left with is great pleasure with the fact that I'm still here. So yeah, even with my crazy schedule I still find time to contemplate how lucky I am to be alive and so should you.