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Remote, Reflective and Ready -- 11.21.06

(3:13 pm) Sitting here in the library info desk watching this week's Simpsons episode on my computer while I write this. Isn't technology great? Thank you little Slingbox, for allowing me to watch my Tivo anywhere I have internet. I'm starving to death though. Someone needs to perfect the Star Trek like transporter so I can order my meal over the internet and have it delivered via transporter. Yeah, now that would be too cool. Alas, there's no such thing... yet. So I'm going to starve until I can get out of here and get some food in my belly. I'm so craving some super greasy McDonald's right now.

(10:13 pm) Back at home, nice and full of food and ready to get some sleep. Tomorrow is going to be a long day. I have class until 5pm. Then I get to go to work at crappyRalphs from 6pm to 10pm. I don't know what the hell I was thinking agreeing to work tomorrow. I hesitated too long and my boss took my indecision as a yes. Duh me, now I have to work. OH well, the extra money is needed seeing as I went and bought thatSlingbox thing that sends my Tivo on the internet . AND, I went to pick-up my aunt from Costco tonight and I bought the huge Complete Calvin and Hobbes three book set for $90. Anyone that knows me knows that I LOVE Calvin and Hobbes. I read it from the beginning of the strip to the end. I never missed a strip for 10 years. Now I have the complete run of the strip in my hands for me to enjoy. The books are huge. I read in a funny article when the book came out saying how the three books in their case would easily be the heaviest best sellers on the New York Times best seller list, weighing in at approximately 25 pounds. That's a hell of a lot of paper.

It's only too bad I can't just sit back this Thanksgiving weekend and enjoy it at my leisure since I'll be work Friday through Sunday. Oh well, no rest for the wicked I guess. This is going to be so much different than last year's Thanksgiving activities, a road trip. There are so many things that happened last year around this time that I wish I could fix. Well, only partially because really there's no use trying to fix what's already happened. Still, a little part of me regrets that I didn't do certain things differently. But, onwards to the future I say, the past is dead.

I don't know if I'm imagining things but I've noticed in the last few hours that there have been quite a few helicopters flying by my house. They seem to be flying low and in circles. But then again maybe they're hovering low because of the fog that is coming in. Who knows.

So I've been hanging out with Talia Del Monte a lot lately. While I normally enjoy her company I'm also not entirely sure that I want to spend a lot of time with her. It maybe be that I'm just a loner by nature that keeps me from wanting to hang with anyone for very long, or perhaps it's something in her make-up that prevents me from enjoying 100% of my time with her. Really I've told her that we're incompatible as a couple, and that in the long run time will only exacerbate the feelings I currently suppress in order to keep civility intact. Yet inside I'm basically done with this experiment. Don't get me wrong, I like Talia Del Monte, I just don't feel a connection. Couple that with some concerns I have about her actions and my detached feeling during this run and you have a relationship that is nearly over.

My aunt stuck her neck out and asked a photographer that she sees at work to talk to me about working as a photographer. He told her that he would talk to me and explain how things work. But he also added that what I should do is start working weddings and birthdays are a photographer and make money that way. There in lies the problem with this whole thing. Don't get me wrong, I go to work to make money so I can eat and live and buy things. I don't go there to pass the time away. So I have no problem working because I reward myself with the spoils of having a few extra dollars in my pocket these days. Nevertheless, my photography isn't about photographing some punk kid's birthday party, or the beginning of the end of some couple's romance. For me it's purely about art and capturing that perfect moment in time. In a way the wedding photography thing can also be about that moment in time. At the same time it's not something I'm passionate about. I rather not make a single dime off my photography than bend it into some thing that I'm in only for the money. To me that's wrong and perverse to do that when my goal is to capture perfection, not some random union between two people who will probably not make it to their fifth anniversary.

So this guy went to Costco and talked to my aunt and mentioned that I haven't called him since he called me TWO weeks ago. I've been busy and also reluctant to hear that I can't be a photographer. Honestly I don't care what he thinks, I like my work and I put it on display for the whole world to look at on Vista Drive. If they like it, cool. If not then it's not something I'll know anyway. And like I said, my photography is strictly for me. I share it with the world but the only person I ever think of pleasing is myself. If I like the picture it makes it on to the site. If not, then it doesn't.

Anyway, I have school and work tomorrow. End Communication.

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