|In the hurried life I currently lead, what with school and work, I nearly forgot that it has been two years since my Grandmother's passing. It seems SO hard to believe that it's been TWO year already.
Two years ago today I stood at the foot of a hospital bed as a doctor declared my Grandmother dead. The pain of losing her started a couple of months earlier when the diagnosis of cancer was given to us. From that moment on my Grandmother seemed to lose the will to fight anymore. It's understandable that a woman eighty-two years old would not want to fight a devastating illness such as cancer. She would often tell me that she had lived a long enough life, and that she had grown tired in her advancing years. Her eyesight was going, more so in the last few years. She didn't feel well for the last couple of years of her life because of stomach problems that I now realize was the cancer. I didn't know it then but the pains she complained about in her stomach was the cancer that would eventually take her life.
Two years later I think back and wonder what would all of our lives been like if she had survived the cancer. I know things would have been very different for me. I was the closest person to my Grandmother. I spent the most time with her, and took care of her nearly 100% of the time. When she asked me if I wanted to see her suffer or let her go I couldn't answer the question from the pain that I felt at that moment. I slowly came to realize that she was asking me to let her go. And even though I fought the good fight in my heart I knew that she was right, I had to let her go. I was, by far, the hardest thing I've ever been asked to do. Everything now pales in comparison to that moment.
Her actions in life and facing death inspire me more than anything. She faced death with honor and strength, and never wavered in her faith. She is a testament to the human spirit in all of us. I don't fear very many things these days, least of all death, because of how she faced both life and death. My Grandmother was always my personal hero. With a forth grade education she survived in this world on pure will and strength of character. She moved to a new country at the age of 50 to start a new life for herself. How many people would dare start a new life when most people are settling into there old life? She persevered in a country that didn't ever make it easy for her to survive. She survived and adopted this country as her own, becoming a citizen in her 70s because she loved this country. Her home was here, her family was here, and she knew her body would remain here even after she passed.
It's hard to think that so much time has passed since my Grandmother passed away. I still miss her so much. I'll think of her and start to cry because I miss her immensely. In March my Mother will have been gone for ten years. I find it hard to believe that both of them are gone now, and that some day I'll be saying that my Grandmother has been gone for a decade. I know the sorrow will not pass, because it never really does. You never really stop missing those you love.
On a completely different subject, today I looked for a secluded place to have my lunch. I ended up eating on the roof of one of the buildings, completely away from everyone (pictured below).
For the most part I like to stay away from crowds. Any gathering of more than five people I tend to want to stay away from because I fear the mob mentality. I know, it's a stupid reason to want to get away. Another part of me just wants to be alone and relax before class. Wednesdays this semester are my longest days of the week. I'm literally there from nine in the morning until seven at night. Thankfully I was able to space out my classes throughout the week just so that I don't have more than two classes on a single day. YAY ME!
The main reason why I'm on campus so early Wednesdays is because I'm working at the library. It's funny, the first few days of the semester everyone seems to be lost. There is a room in the library that is located in the basement, but everyone thinks it's located in the main level. When they come up to the desk they always asks me, "Where's room 25?" I have to tell them that it's outside and in the basement. The only way to get there is to walk quite a distance from the main floor to the basement, because there is no direct path between those two floors. Some dummy decided to close the most direct path, a stairway, leading from the main floor to the basement level (door to said stairway pictured below).
Well, because of me asking my boss at the info desk why they closed that easy path from one level to another he decided to start a petition to have that door unlocked. He showed me one of the letters that will be sent to the dean of the library in order to have that stairway function as it is supposed to.
The funny thing is that were there signs clearly stating where room 25 is located (pictured below).
We, my boss and I, were joking that perhaps the students didn't understand what exterior meant. But then I thought that perhaps it's not so much that they don't understand what exterior means, but rather that most people just walk by the sign without noticing it. So I suggested that we move at least one of the signs right in front of the info desk. Sure enough my moved one of the signs to the front of the info desk (pictured below) and instantly the number of people asking where that room was dropped.
Now I'm going to try and get those stupid velvet ropes in front of the desk removed. I have a good reason why they should be gone. While manning the info desk on Wednesday a blind student nearly fell down because he walked into the velvet rope. In short, it's a hazard and it needs to go. Also, it confuses people. So best to just get rid of it, I think. Hopefully the ropes will be gone and the stairwell to the basement will be opened. See, one man can make a difference.
Michael Knight... a Lone crusader in a dangerous world. The World, of the Knight Rider.