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Dulcinea thoughts -- 02.19.07
Saturday after work I didn't feel like going home right away. I wanted to do something, go somewhere, anything but go home. I ended up just going home, which was stupid. I thought about going to the library downtown to pick up a book that I want to read, but then I remembered that I had already put a hold on it, and would probably not even be there. Still, the book was only an excuse to not go home right away. As I said, I ended up just going home and cleaning up some of the mess that I have in my room. I'm a bit of a pack rat. I have every credit card bill I've ever been sent. The following is the mass of them, followed by just my AT&T card bills (going back all the way back to 1996).

Quite a few pages huh? What gets me is how disorganized I had some of these papers until Saturday. In my desk I keep the recent bills, but the older ones go in another drawer. With some time on my hands I decided to finally organize these things.

Sunday night my boss let me out of work early because we weren't busy. I didn't feel like going straight home for some reason, which makes me think that I should have just stayed at work for that extra hour. On my way home a song came up on myiPod by Rachael Yamagata called "Worn me down." For some reason it made me think of her... Dulcinea del Gato . I haven't thought of her in a LONG time. Thoughts of her put me in a quiet mood the rest of the night. I got home and ate the dinner I bought from Carl's Jr. and continued to think of Dulcineadel Gato . It was strange not only because I haven't thought of her in a long time, but because I did think of her after such a long time. It just doesn't make any sense that I would suddenly think of her out of the blue.

Whatever the reason, the fact that I did and it caused me to fell so much emotion over someone that I haven't seen in more than a decade must be significant. I missed her, and then I wished I could see her again. Monday I went to school thinking of her, and how she was the only person that made me wish I was something else... someone that she would like. It's not a proper thought really, but it's the one that comes into my head when I think of how I never had a chance with her.

It's strange, the last few days I haven't had the desire to go straight home. I think it's because as soon as I come home I'm accosted by my family. These days I simply want to come home and relax and not deal with a thousand stupid things that have been accumulating in their heads all day long. ARGH, just now I was asked if I want to go to Ensenada with the family this weekend. ARGH! No offense but I rather stay here at home by myself. They want to know if I can get the day off on Saturday, but fuck it, I don't even want to ask for the day off. Wait, I just remembered, I have plans that day! Fuck it, I have plans! They can go en masse to wherever they wish, I made these plans a month ago.

See, this is why I nearly didn't come straight home on Saturday. I nearly bolted to the Central library to just hang out and sit there until I was kicked out. Then I'd probably end up going on the metro to some place to eat and arrive home way late. Alas, I didn't do that, but I regretted not escaping when I came home. What a dope I was, and continue to be. The whole family is in the other room eating, without me because I already ate. It's the good excuse that I'm using not to be there so sue me. I'm going to go do some homework now. Anything but time with the family.
End Communication.

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