|Saturday after work I didn't feel like going home right away. I wanted to do something, go somewhere, anything but go home. I ended up just going home, which was stupid. I thought about going to the library downtown to pick up a book that I want to read, but then I remembered that I had already put a hold on it, and would probably not even be there. Still, the book was only an excuse to not go home right away. As I said, I ended up just going home and cleaning up some of the mess that I have in my room. I'm a bit of a pack rat. I have every credit card bill I've ever been sent. The following is the mass of them, followed by just my AT&T card bills (going back all the way back to 1996).
Quite a few pages huh? What gets me is how disorganized I had some of these papers until Saturday. In my desk I keep the recent bills, but the older ones go in another drawer. With some time on my hands I decided to finally organize these things.
Sunday night my boss let me out of work early because we weren't busy. I didn't feel like going straight home for some reason, which makes me think that I should have just stayed at work for that extra hour. On my way home a song came up on myiPod by Rachael Yamagata called "Worn me down." For some reason it made me think of her... Dulcinea del Gato . I haven't thought of her in a LONG time. Thoughts of her put me in a quiet mood the rest of the night. I got home and ate the dinner I bought from Carl's Jr. and continued to think of Dulcineadel Gato . It was strange not only because I haven't thought of her in a long time, but because I did think of her after such a long time. It just doesn't make any sense that I would suddenly think of her out of the blue.
Whatever the reason, the fact that I did and it caused me to fell so much emotion over someone that I haven't seen in more than a decade must be significant. I missed her, and then I wished I could see her again. Monday I went to school thinking of her, and how she was the only person that made me wish I was something else... someone that she would like. It's not a proper thought really, but it's the one that comes into my head when I think of how I never had a chance with her.
It's strange, the last few days I haven't had the desire to go straight home. I think it's because as soon as I come home I'm accosted by my family. These days I simply want to come home and relax and not deal with a thousand stupid things that have been accumulating in their heads all day long. ARGH, just now I was asked if I want to go to Ensenada with the family this weekend. ARGH! No offense but I rather stay here at home by myself. They want to know if I can get the day off on Saturday, but fuck it, I don't even want to ask for the day off. Wait, I just remembered, I have plans that day! Fuck it, I have plans! They can go en masse to wherever they wish, I made these plans a month ago.
See, this is why I nearly didn't come straight home on Saturday. I nearly bolted to the Central library to just hang out and sit there until I was kicked out. Then I'd probably end up going on the metro to some place to eat and arrive home way late. Alas, I didn't do that, but I regretted not escaping when I came home. What a dope I was, and continue to be. The whole family is in the other room eating, without me because I already ate. It's the good excuse that I'm using not to be there so sue me. I'm going to go do some homework now. Anything but time with the family.