quixotic - adj - exceedingly idealistic; unrealistic and impractical
There is a MAJOR flaw in being idealistic, the world is far from being an idealistic place. This means that an idealist is going to be disappointed more often than not. Right now Iím two steps from chucking everything and stop caring. The prospect of such an action is so contradicting to my core beliefs that I wonder how I ever came to this point in my life that I would even consider such a move. But truthfully my whole life is in shambles right at this moment that I wonder why I still give a damn about anything. How many times must I be punched in the face with the fact that Iím a relic, an antiquated person that canít fit in this time because no one cares and I care too much? *sigh*
I went to Ikea the other day to buy myself a frame for my diploma (pictured below).
Iím not sure I placed it in the right place, but at least I donít have to worry about it not being in a frame. That being done, I also threw out a huge pile of clothes that I NEVER wear. Like everyone, I suspect, I have a ton of clothes that I donít wear for whatever reason. These clothes get in the way when Iím looking for something to wear. Which might explain why I basically wear the same thing over and over again. Also, I donít have that many clothes, because I have all this space taken up by useless clothes. So I up and threw all the stupid things I havenít worn in a million years, some things Iíve NEVER worn, and took them too Goodwill. Let them sort through my stupid bad fashions.
My old Vaio died a couple of weeks ago. Thankfully I had all my major files backed up onto an external hard drive. But now I got a little worried that something might happen to THAT stuff and then Iíll be left without any of the pictures Iíve taken in the last six years. So today I went about backing up all my photos onto CD-roms, just in case.
I bought a CD folder and 100 blank CDs. I want to get another external hard drive, but right now money has become short. Because Iím driving that stupid car again Iím spending a bunch of money on gasoline. The fucking car is a major gas guzzler, and it pisses me off. When I wasnít driving I had extra money to burn. That was then. Now the car takes $20 and spits back a couple of trips here and there.
Everything is so frustrating right now. It just seems like everything has come to a standstill and Iím treading water. Is it any wonder that Iím backing things up, cleaning other things out, and trying to find some sort of order?
I really have to find something other than this crappy Ralphís job. Not to say any job where there are people is going to be a dream, because itís not. People suck, and their stupid thoughts and beliefs taint any logic they might have deep inside. So what might be the perfect dream job? Traveling the world and taking pictures of EVERYTHING. Yeah, but who is going to give me THAT job? :( I wish that stupid house in Bakersfield would sell already. I could pay off some debts and not have to worry about stupid crappy Ralphís
Iím working the entire weekend. A co-worker asked me to come in for him on Saturday. I dread going in there tomorrow because itís such a dreary place. Every one that works there is in that sad haze. If I stay there too much longer a part of me is going to die. Then again, I wonder if it hasnít already. :(