Yet another birthday of mine comes and goes, and I�m pretty tired of the process. I NEVER get to do anything fun on my birthday, so I�ve come to not look forward to it anymore. Also, people say stuff like, �You�re really getting up there now huh?� And they assume that I�m all tired because my compatriots, like my cousins and such, are all tired. I�m free; I don�t have to worry about a family and shit, why would I be tired? But, let them assume that I�m tired, all the better for me.As if �celebrating� a birthday wasn�t enough this weekend the universe spoke to me in no uncertain terms that I have to LET GO. Vagabundo de Granada and I have this theory that basically states that the universe has a sense of humor and all of us are the jokes. Or at least the set-up to some punch-line at our expense.
So here�s the punch-line for this weekend... I saw Dulcinea del Gato at work Sunday. As if to remind me that I�m not letting go of current incarnations of Dulcinea, and that I haven�t written a word of the book I should have finished by now, the universe placed in my path the original Dulcinea. I hate to say that it was like a bolt of lightening struck me, because that�s such a cliche. But, it was like lightening stuck me, down to the ground no less. El Patron said that I should have talked to her, but really what was there to say? The last time I can be sure I saw her was January 16, 1999 and I didn�t say anything to her then. Because it�s not so much her, she�s really just an apparition, no longer a person but rather the incarnation of an idea thought long ago. (hey, that�s going in the book)
What shouldn�t surprise me is the timing of all this. While trying to �let go� of all feelings of want and desire was the theme for this month, it�s been a case of easier said than done. But really I haven�t put that much of an effort, choosing rather to wallow in the stirrings of emotions. Stupid, I know. So the universe up and bitch slapped me. Last night I took my ass to bed early because I was sleepy and I couldn�t think of anything else to do. I needed to just not think for a little while, so I meditated as best I could and then fell asleep at around 11pm. For me lately that�s super early, what with me choosing to stay up to three in the morning lately.
Right now I�m debating whether to go home now or in about an hour when the library closes. I rather just wait until then but then I�m getting a little hungry and maybe going home is the best option. I�m saving my pennies for the San Francisco trip next month, so every dollar I don�t spend now is money I can spend on the trip. So yeah, that�s the debate that�s happening in my mind right now, leave and go home to save some money on dinner here Downtown, or head to Clifton�s or somewhere here and spend a few bucks. Ah hell, I have food at home. I�m going to get that book I wanted and head home. Later bitches!
End Communication.
