Yet another birthday of mine comes and goes, and Iím pretty tired of the process. I NEVER get to do anything fun on my birthday, so Iíve come to not look forward to it anymore. Also, people say stuff like, ďYouíre really getting up there now huh?Ē And they assume that Iím all tired because my compatriots, like my cousins and such, are all tired. Iím free; I donít have to worry about a family and shit, why would I be tired? But, let them assume that Iím tired, all the better for me.
As if ďcelebratingĒ a birthday wasnít enough this weekend the universe spoke to me in no uncertain terms that I have to LET GO. Vagabundo de Granada and I have this theory that basically states that the universe has a sense of humor and all of us are the jokes. Or at least the set-up to some punch-line at our expense.
So hereís the punch-line for this weekend... I saw Dulcinea del Gato at work Sunday. As if to remind me that Iím not letting go of current incarnations of Dulcinea, and that I havenít written a word of the book I should have finished by now, the universe placed in my path the original Dulcinea. I hate to say that it was like a bolt of lightening struck me, because thatís such a cliche. But, it was like lightening stuck me, down to the ground no less. El Patron said that I should have talked to her, but really what was there to say? The last time I can be sure I saw her was January 16, 1999 and I didnít say anything to her then. Because itís not so much her, sheís really just an apparition, no longer a person but rather the incarnation of an idea thought long ago. (hey, thatís going in the book)
What shouldnít surprise me is the timing of all this. While trying to ďlet goĒ of all feelings of want and desire was the theme for this month, itís been a case of easier said than done. But really I havenít put that much of an effort, choosing rather to wallow in the stirrings of emotions. Stupid, I know. So the universe up and bitch slapped me. Last night I took my ass to bed early because I was sleepy and I couldnít think of anything else to do. I needed to just not think for a little while, so I meditated as best I could and then fell asleep at around 11pm. For me lately thatís super early, what with me choosing to stay up to three in the morning lately.
Right now Iím debating whether to go home now or in about an hour when the library closes. I rather just wait until then but then Iím getting a little hungry and maybe going home is the best option. Iím saving my pennies for the San Francisco trip next month, so every dollar I donít spend now is money I can spend on the trip. So yeah, thatís the debate thatís happening in my mind right now, leave and go home to save some money on dinner here Downtown, or head to Cliftonís or somewhere here and spend a few bucks. Ah hell, I have food at home. Iím going to get that book I wanted and head home. Later bitches!