4:00 pm Monday I got a call from home with news about the job. I couldn�t answer the phone but when I got my break about ten minutes later I called back and got the most �wonderful� news that I didn�t get the job at the B.H. library. They sent me a very nice letter saying that I, �scored very high,� and that the interview panel was, �extremely impressed with,� me. Little good that does me since I didn�t get the job. They did say that they encourage me to re-apply for other positions, but man this would have been the one for me.So right now I�m feeling quite melancholy and disconsolate. I�m sure it will pass after a couple of days. Right now is that moaning period that one has to deal with when one is passed over for something they really want. I should actually be QUITE used to this sort of feeling. But optimistic stupid me, I have this ability to get my hopes up, only to have them come back down to reality with decimating force. Like I said, this is but ONE of a LONG line of rejections and disappointments, but it never gets any easier. Ironically, I think it gets harder because the hopes somehow, and I honestly don�t get this myself, the hopes seem to be reach higher levels of wishfulness. Which makes the pain when they crash all the more painful than the previous disappointment. So I�m minutes away from going back to crappy Ralph�s, but I wanted to write this while the feelings were fresh.
(hours later) It�s now past midnight. I came home, ate some fast food that I picked up on my way home, and just had some whiskey and Coke to console myself. I�m getting a little sleepy, but I also have some more drinking to do. I have been at the brink of tears since I heard the news from my Aunt this evening. It just feels like an utter rejection of my worth. I really wish I could just sleep all day tomorrow and not wake up until Friday for the trip.
In lieu of that I�m just going to go to work and keep my mouth shut. Next week I�ll just put in another bunch of applications and hope not to be humiliatingly rejected again. I do want to tell everyone that wished me luck throughout this process thank you. Your support shows me that I can�t let myself feel down too long. I mean, I will be down for the next few days, but I�ll pick myself up again and try again. It�s all because of you�re well wishes that I can do that. Thank you all.
End Communication.
