previous entry   /  newest   /  archive   /  next entry

Like Garbo Said -- 04.06.08
Thursday I didnít have a bad day at work, but I did feel like coming home and playing a little Wii to just escape and relax a bit. Fighting little tanks and getting angry when they blow me up is a nice release. But, when someone takes the release the wrong way, then you have a problem. I just wanted to be left alone, so when my aunt showed up to my room to ask me a question, just as a shell blew up my little tank on the screen, she thought I was mad at her for coming to ďbotherĒ me. It wasnít a bother, but at that moment I just wanted nothing to do with anything. As previously stated, and as Garbo used to say, I wanted to be alone.

Iíve been gaining weight since last month, probably because Iím eating out more often these days because of work. Iím pretty damn sick of all the bland food Iíve had to endure. By San Marino thereís some good food, good and fatty. In Glendale thereís just bland food, bland and fatty. So, I wish I could say that the weight Iíve gained was from good food, because more likely than not it hasnít been. Which makes the gains all the more stupid.

Right this minute my stomach is growling, making stupid noises based in hunger. But, after going to the fridge and finding nothing but but side dishes I have come back to my room to write this instead of stuffing my face. I need to go back to eating only two meals a day, like last year. Oh man, those were the days.

Alone. I havenít had luck in finding someone to be in a relationship, which brings me to a new theory. My theory is this, deep down inside I really just want to be alone... and not just alone, but left alone. Left to my own devices, my own projects, and such. So, despite having a need to be with someone, probably some stupid biological chemical reaction, I have subconsciously sabotaged any attempts at finding someone. Be it falling for someone that is completely unattainable, or not making a move, the result is the same... Iím alone because deep down inside I WANT to be alone. My default state of happiness is in having nearly no human contact.

End Communication

previous entry   /  newest   /  archive   /  next entry

american ecstasy   /  diaryland