previous entry   /  newest   /  archive   /  next entry

I am not a number, I am a Free man! -- 09.10.08
 
�We all live in a little Village� Your village may be different from other people's villages but we are all prisoners.� - Patrick McGoohan

I can tell there are changes coming, they�re in the air. Like right now I�m sitting here, moments away from going to sleep, with a cool breeze entering through the window. I can�t wait for Fall to show up. What I�m really looking forward to is Winter this year, I�m sick of the heat. I want to wear some of my sweaters, my nice coat. I want to have to carry an umbrella everywhere I go. I�m ready for a real rain to wash the scum off the streets, a real good hard rain.

These days I�m looking for joy in the small things, and thankfully it�s working. I have wanted to go to a place called Prince Edward Island for a long time. A few years ago I went so far as to send for some travel brochures. I still have those brochures. Sunday I went onto my ING account and opened a new savings account called PEI fund, which will be the basis for me finally going up to the island. It will probably take me a million years since I plan on saving very little right now. I can�t really afford to save too much. But, eventually I�ll go, this I vow.

That last statement just made me think of something, but I can�t share half an idea with you all. Suffice to say it was half an epiphany.

Moving on, I have decided that certain things no longer require my energy and/or my attention. From this point forward I will no longer pursue certain dead-end pursuits of the past. In the long run I have come to realize that deep down inside I may not actually want those things I say I do. And actually, now this is the half thought I said I wasn�t going to talk about just yet. But, I guess I really DID want to talk about it... didn�t I? I will say that I�ve gotten everything I�ve truly desired. I�ve been lucky in that way, and that knowledge keeps me happy even through horribly trying times.

And now I get how nothing is a mistake. That knowledge might free me, or it might not. I suspect that if I want to be truly free then I shall be. That brings another thought to mind, one that I will not share with you at all this time. I�m saving that one for something else I�m writing... that damn book of mine. I will say this, contentment equals pointlessness.

I�m good and bitter... the perfect elixir to write brilliantly. Once I was blind and now I see.
End Communication

previous entry   /  newest   /  archive   /  next entry

american ecstasy   /  diaryland