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Allergic to Glendale -- 05.09.09
 
I finished one of the longest work weeks of perhaps in my entire life. I worked some unusual hours, and Iím tired. Iím looking forward to doing nothing today.

Growing up my elementary school closed because there werenít enough kids in the school. For sixth grade I went to Encino elementary where I was placed in a dream classroom. The teacher was nice, the room bright and airy. There was even a view, provided by the second story balcony that overlooked a tree lined residential street. It was idyllic. But then I someone from administration came into the classroom one day to say that the sixth grade class was unbalanced between the two classes that housed us. Some of us would have to move to the other class. And so began the descent into mediocrity. The class I was switched to was literally the antithesis of the class I started the year in. As a result I found myself pained with stomach problems, that I now know were psychosomatic (at least in part). When I donít want to be somewhere, and I mean REALLY donít want to be somewhere, my stomach does flip-flops. To the point that it really does hurt, and it really does make me feel sick.

This is the situation with my Glendale job. For the last few months Iíve been going into work on Thursdays and Fridays feeling rundown and tired. For the past few weeks now Iíve been not just rundown, but frankly feeling ill. My stomach does flip-flops and I feel like Iím going to throw up at any minute. History is repeating itself now. My body, dealing with a psychological disturbance is manifesting that pain into physical pain by means of my stomach. My situation is dire. A couple of weeks ago I felt like I would vomit. Thankfully I didnít feel that way after my lunch break. Knowing that I was in the home stretch, my body relaxed and I felt much better (thatís my theory anyways). Clearly this problem is in my head. Clearly I DONíT want to be there. I have no hope for escape unless I win the lotto, get my old job at Oviatt, or another job, or die in my sleep. Since I figured this out Iíve felt better, since I now know there isnít an immediate way out, so why torture myself?

Last Thursday I was asked to go to the Circ. managerís office to talk about extra hours for the next couple of months. After our talk she reminded me not to talk to people. I canít fucking win. One of my co-workers was told not to talk to me, which of course she told me about. As my co-worker pointed out, everyone else talks. But for some reason Iím the one that they target with this shit. ARGH! My old boss went to visit me last wek, and didnít have good news to tell me. Apparently the Dean of the library (back at my University) didnít seem too excited about lobbying for the rule thatís keeping me from working there to be amended. So Iím fucked. This pretty much proves that there is a campaign of hate against my talking, and against the co-workers that talk to me. Iím thinking of getting a button that says ďmute,Ē or ďdonít talk to me.Ē Or better yet, ďhow may I not talk to you?Ē

Speaking of co-workers, last night I went with my cool job co-workers to have pancakes. Iíve been hankering for those cakes of the pan for some time now. One of my co-workers suggested that we form a monthly dinner ďclub.Ē Itís an excuse to unwind and talk to our fellow workers about work and anything else. Just to get it off our chest. I had a great time eating my pancakes and talking. That really is my forte... talking that is, not eating pancakes. Though Iím good at both. Hereís a picture of what I ate.

Yummy isnít the word, but itís the one Iím using. I needed some levity in my life, what with the house in Bakersfield not selling (probably wonít sell at this point), and the bills stacking up, working extra hours but not having much to show for it, and being lonely. All that is getting to me. I know I can champion through it, but it does wear a person down.

I just said that the bills are stacking up, but stupid/genius me went ahead and bought himself a new camera.

I need it to take pictures, which I donít do often enough these days. And Iím talking about the spur of the moment pictures that happen when you least expect them. Iím missing those pictures since my old ELPH died a few months back. I love my Leica, but itís too bulky to carry around with me all the time. My new camera, as shown in the picture above, is tiny. Itís smaller than my iPhone! Anyway, more pictures to come.
End Communication.

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