| Back on the wagon only a few days and I’m already happier than I’ve been in weeks. I’ve always been a realist, but about half of me is also a romantic. So I skate both sides, sometimes thinking the best of things, thinking that things are going to work out for the best. But, then there’s the other half that knows how things are going to come out, that knows hoping for the best doesn’t mean the best will happen. I have decided to be more of the realist than of the romantic. I can’t get my hopes up too much, can’t expect the best of people, or that they’ll even act in the own best interest. I just know that I’m here, right here and right now I exist. Tomorrow brings who knows what, but I’ll deal with it when it happens. No use worrying about something that happened in the past, OR in the future. Freedom is a realist expectation away. I have it good, REALLY good, only I forget because I expect to be better off somehow. Truth is, I have it GOOD. My Grandmother used to say that all my wants and needs were taken care of, and she was, and is, right. I have MORE than my needs warrant. I’m a very lucky person, in so many ways. I tend to forget that because I fell into the trap of expecting so much. My expectations were NOT realistic. Ah, but now I’ve been centering myself and I’m not of one extreme or the other. OK, I’m not there YET, but that’s my goal. My buddy reminded me of a quote from “Fight Club,” which I love in the extreme. “Losing all hope is freedom.” I like the book because of the Nihilistic and Buddhist ideas running through it. Of course I’m going to be drawn to Buddhist ideas. Sometimes I forget the right path. It’s easy to forget, but also easy to remember. I did a little meditating during my break at work Wednesday evening. I didn’t think about anything but the music in my head. Existing is suffering, and we suffer because of our unfulfilled wants. Remove the want and the suffering goes with it. I feel better letting go of the main want, the one that never gets fulfilled. All the other wants pale in comparison, and that’s how I know I’ll be perfectly happy. I’m going to continue meditating, because I’ve lax lately. Thanks again Buddha, for showing me the way. End Communication. |
