| Back on the wagon only a few days and I�m already happier than I�ve been in weeks. I�ve always been a realist, but about half of me is also a romantic. So I skate both sides, sometimes thinking the best of things, thinking that things are going to work out for the best. But, then there�s the other half that knows how things are going to come out, that knows hoping for the best doesn�t mean the best will happen. I have decided to be more of the realist than of the romantic. I can�t get my hopes up too much, can�t expect the best of people, or that they�ll even act in the own best interest. I just know that I�m here, right here and right now I exist. Tomorrow brings who knows what, but I�ll deal with it when it happens. No use worrying about something that happened in the past, OR in the future. Freedom is a realist expectation away. I have it good, REALLY good, only I forget because I expect to be better off somehow. Truth is, I have it GOOD. My Grandmother used to say that all my wants and needs were taken care of, and she was, and is, right. I have MORE than my needs warrant. I�m a very lucky person, in so many ways. I tend to forget that because I fell into the trap of expecting so much. My expectations were NOT realistic. Ah, but now I�ve been centering myself and I�m not of one extreme or the other. OK, I�m not there YET, but that�s my goal. My buddy reminded me of a quote from �Fight Club,� which I love in the extreme. �Losing all hope is freedom.� I like the book because of the Nihilistic and Buddhist ideas running through it. Of course I�m going to be drawn to Buddhist ideas. Sometimes I forget the right path. It�s easy to forget, but also easy to remember. I did a little meditating during my break at work Wednesday evening. I didn�t think about anything but the music in my head. Existing is suffering, and we suffer because of our unfulfilled wants. Remove the want and the suffering goes with it. I feel better letting go of the main want, the one that never gets fulfilled. All the other wants pale in comparison, and that�s how I know I�ll be perfectly happy. I�m going to continue meditating, because I�ve lax lately. Thanks again Buddha, for showing me the way. End Communication. |
