|Back on the wagon only a few days and Iím already happier than Iíve been in weeks. Iíve always been a realist, but about half of me is also a romantic. So I skate both sides, sometimes thinking the best of things, thinking that things are going to work out for the best. But, then thereís the other half that knows how things are going to come out, that knows hoping for the best doesnít mean the best will happen. I have decided to be more of the realist than of the romantic. I canít get my hopes up too much, canít expect the best of people, or that theyíll even act in the own best interest. I just know that Iím here, right here and right now I exist. Tomorrow brings who knows what, but Iíll deal with it when it happens. No use worrying about something that happened in the past, OR in the future.
Freedom is a realist expectation away. I have it good, REALLY good, only I forget because I expect to be better off somehow. Truth is, I have it GOOD. My Grandmother used to say that all my wants and needs were taken care of, and she was, and is, right. I have MORE than my needs warrant. Iím a very lucky person, in so many ways. I tend to forget that because I fell into the trap of expecting so much. My expectations were NOT realistic. Ah, but now Iíve been centering myself and Iím not of one extreme or the other. OK, Iím not there YET, but thatís my goal.
My buddy reminded me of a quote from ďFight Club,Ē which I love in the extreme. ďLosing all hope is freedom.Ē I like the book because of the Nihilistic and Buddhist ideas running through it. Of course Iím going to be drawn to Buddhist ideas. Sometimes I forget the right path. Itís easy to forget, but also easy to remember. I did a little meditating during my break at work Wednesday evening. I didnít think about anything but the music in my head. Existing is suffering, and we suffer because of our unfulfilled wants. Remove the want and the suffering goes with it. I feel better letting go of the main want, the one that never gets fulfilled. All the other wants pale in comparison, and thatís how I know Iíll be perfectly happy. Iím going to continue meditating, because Iíve lax lately. Thanks again Buddha, for showing me the way.