|As you may or may not remember, I had a gallery showing at work. The show is now over, and I found a new home for my photos... my room (shown below).
I spent about $500 printing and framing my work, so I think that Iím entitled to have them up in my room. I made a decision about my photographs. Only a few people truly appreciate them. I find that I have to practically force people to check out my photo site. So from now on Iíll mention my photos and site to people and if they donít go so be it. Itís their loss, not mine. Besides, I take photos for myself. I wanted to share that vision with others, but it would seem that the world is too busy, or too self-absorbed, or too something, to care to view my work for even a second. So, I wonít force it down anyoneís throat anymore. Itís there, it exists, if you want to go see it I thank you. If not then thatís fine too.
Inaction has been my method of operation this year. I found that I used a lot of energy trying to talk to people, convince them, set them straight if you will, to no avail. The message is clear, itís not worth the time. People are less worth my time now more than ever. One of the things I have been able to let go in the last few years is the inability to not miss someone. Certainly my Grandmotherís death taught me that lessen more than anything. Losing her was the moment when the volume got turned down.
This week I was talking to someone and I wanted to voice something to them, but I knew that it would simply go over their heads, so I didnít mention it. But what I was going to talk to them about was this effect that I contribute to things just getting worse. Food doesnít have any taste anymore. Events donít move me like they used to. There are things that do move me, and I know those things to be significant. This disparity between nothing and awe is what I use as a gauge these days. But itís imperfect because itís all or nothing. There seems to be no, or little, gray area. Itís something Iím working on. Suffice to say more and more things donít seem to move me. What does move me comes on like a huge wave of emotions. Strange.
Last week I started the Spring semester of this Masters thing. This coming semester promises to be a tough but interesting semester. Iím not sure how Iíll find the time to do all the work required, but I know I can do the work. Now Iíll also have to worry about how to pay off yet another bit of debt, the student loan I got for school. No time to worry about that now though.