| I�m sitting here writing this journal entry in lieu of doing my homework for class because there�s no chance for me to pass this class now. The writing is definitely on the wall on this one. I�ve failed this class. I�m not sure what that means right now. It could mean that I�m out of the program. It could mean that this notion of being a librarian is over. It could mean that I�ll get a second chance. I don�t know. But there are more pressing matters to deal with. My life is in shambles. My room looks like a tornado hit it, and that�s a perfect metaphor for my life as well. A tornado has hit it and I�m picking up the pieces. Somewhere I took a wrong turn and took the path everyone else takes. The path of becoming a zombie, a worker drone, like everyone else in this world. It�s a stupid move, but one we make because we don�t know what else to do. So here I sit, future now completely uncertain because of ONE lousy obsolete class. My jobs bore me. It�s the same bullshit day after day, week after week. I was taking a shower this morning and I asked myself, �What day is it?� Each day bleeds into the next. The weeks become months and months years. And for what? Nothing. No satisfaction. No redemption. No nothing. Last Thursday I worked on the same section of books four times (pictured below). Four times!  I shelf read this section twice, and shelved books in this area twice. It encapsulated my existence since I graduated. Work, work and more work. Nothing accomplished since. I�ve had talks with people about this year and how I feel I�m just spinning my wheels. This failure has forced me to look for answers. I think it�s time to find those answers. On a side note, my frustration runs in all aspects of my life. Case in point, Sigalert on my iPhone. I check traffic conditions before going to work. Of course even this is a source of irritation and mockery. Look at this image.  Look at the area to the left of Burbank and above Beverly Hills. That�s where I live. And that�s also where I need to know how the 101 is doing. That�s also the ONE place that takes the longest to render. I mean come on. The ONE area I need and it takes four times as long to render as the rest of the picture? Pure mockery. End Communication. |
