Last week my Sirius radio died. I called up the company and they were nice enough to send me a replacement. I turned it on, it worked. A few hours later I checked and it wasn�t working. I didn�t want to call the company just in case it was my fault. Well, tonight after work I fiddled around with the radio and found that whenever I plugged the antenna the stupid thing didn�t work. The damn thing won�t work without the antenna connected since it�s trying to pick-up a signal from a satellite. I�m pretty tired dealing with this thing only to have a new radio have the same exact issues that my previous radio did. Suffice to say I�m ready to chuck this Sirius radio for good. The only reason why I have it is to listen to Stern. With speculation abound that he�s not coming back to Sirius I�m sure that I won�t be using the radio after he�s off their �airwaves.� If he retires, or goes to a new place that�s where I�ll follow. If it�s Sirius I�ll stay, but I don�t want to deal with their radios anymore. I�ll listen online, or something. I�ll figure it out. For now I�m going to try and work this thing a little bit more. But come Monday I�m pretty sure my relationship with Sirius will be over for good.Speaking of relationships... the cat is slightly out of the bag at work. The girlfriend and I have been keeping our relationship a secret from our co-workers for reasons I�m not ready to state here. Suffice to say it�s not really anyone�s business, but learning that someone at work found us out because I wrote about it here did shock me when I first discovered that our little secret wasn�t so secret any more. This isn�t to say that everyone at work knows. I�m pretty sure most people know simply because Megan and I are always hanging out together, and we�re always flirty. I never expected to be in the situation I�m in right now. I hate it when someone says �it just happened.� But that�s exactly how it went down. I didn�t plan on this, it did �just happen.� I know how that sounds, but it�s the truth.
I have this feeling that everything in my life is falling apart. Tonight while trying to get that stupid radio to work I remembered �Fight Club� and how Tyler teaches Jack that losing everything is freedom. I feel that with the debts, all my things falling apart at the same time, my photography going nowhere, my career stuck in the mud, and me not having a viable strategy to fix these things... I feel that there is a great change coming around the corner. I�m not entirely sure that it�s a positive change. In fact, knowing how things work out in life I�m more inclined to think it�s a negative thing around the corner. Yet another punch in the face... another kick in the teeth. I�ve come to expect it simply because that�s what ALWAYS comes along when I�m barely hanging on by a thread. There are only so many punches, only so many kicks, that I�ll be able to take before I fall down for good. I wish I knew how to get out of my life rut. I need to escape a job that makes me feel belittled. I need to escape a job that bores me, never challenges me. I need to escape. Without a viable alternative I�m stuck. That fucking library school bullshit was probably the dumbest thing I could have gotten myself into. I hated EVERY single moment I was there. I don�t have many true regrets in life, but the decision to get my Masters in library science has now replaced every other regret I�ve ever had. THAT move taught me a lesson, and I guess that�s a good thing. It taught me not to push. I�m not going to push unless it�s something I really want. But even then, wanting only makes it worse when I fail. So yeah, no more pushing.
I�m mentally tired of all the bullshit that the Universe is piling on top of me right now. Makes me wonder why I sit here and take it. Oh yeah, because every time I try and escape I find that there is no escape.
End Communication.
