Last week my Sirius radio died. I called up the company and they were nice enough to send me a replacement. I turned it on, it worked. A few hours later I checked and it wasn’t working. I didn’t want to call the company just in case it was my fault. Well, tonight after work I fiddled around with the radio and found that whenever I plugged the antenna the stupid thing didn’t work. The damn thing won’t work without the antenna connected since it’s trying to pick-up a signal from a satellite. I’m pretty tired dealing with this thing only to have a new radio have the same exact issues that my previous radio did. Suffice to say I’m ready to chuck this Sirius radio for good. The only reason why I have it is to listen to Stern. With speculation abound that he’s not coming back to Sirius I’m sure that I won’t be using the radio after he’s off their “airwaves.” If he retires, or goes to a new place that’s where I’ll follow. If it’s Sirius I’ll stay, but I don’t want to deal with their radios anymore. I’ll listen online, or something. I’ll figure it out. For now I’m going to try and work this thing a little bit more. But come Monday I’m pretty sure my relationship with Sirius will be over for good.Speaking of relationships... the cat is slightly out of the bag at work. The girlfriend and I have been keeping our relationship a secret from our co-workers for reasons I’m not ready to state here. Suffice to say it’s not really anyone’s business, but learning that someone at work found us out because I wrote about it here did shock me when I first discovered that our little secret wasn’t so secret any more. This isn’t to say that everyone at work knows. I’m pretty sure most people know simply because Megan and I are always hanging out together, and we’re always flirty. I never expected to be in the situation I’m in right now. I hate it when someone says “it just happened.” But that’s exactly how it went down. I didn’t plan on this, it did “just happen.” I know how that sounds, but it’s the truth.
I have this feeling that everything in my life is falling apart. Tonight while trying to get that stupid radio to work I remembered “Fight Club” and how Tyler teaches Jack that losing everything is freedom. I feel that with the debts, all my things falling apart at the same time, my photography going nowhere, my career stuck in the mud, and me not having a viable strategy to fix these things... I feel that there is a great change coming around the corner. I’m not entirely sure that it’s a positive change. In fact, knowing how things work out in life I’m more inclined to think it’s a negative thing around the corner. Yet another punch in the face... another kick in the teeth. I’ve come to expect it simply because that’s what ALWAYS comes along when I’m barely hanging on by a thread. There are only so many punches, only so many kicks, that I’ll be able to take before I fall down for good. I wish I knew how to get out of my life rut. I need to escape a job that makes me feel belittled. I need to escape a job that bores me, never challenges me. I need to escape. Without a viable alternative I’m stuck. That fucking library school bullshit was probably the dumbest thing I could have gotten myself into. I hated EVERY single moment I was there. I don’t have many true regrets in life, but the decision to get my Masters in library science has now replaced every other regret I’ve ever had. THAT move taught me a lesson, and I guess that’s a good thing. It taught me not to push. I’m not going to push unless it’s something I really want. But even then, wanting only makes it worse when I fail. So yeah, no more pushing.
I’m mentally tired of all the bullshit that the Universe is piling on top of me right now. Makes me wonder why I sit here and take it. Oh yeah, because every time I try and escape I find that there is no escape.
End Communication.
