previous entry   /  newest   /  archive   /  next entry

In a terrible limbo -- 05.14.12
Saturday I went and bought TheGirl some flowers for Motherís day (pictured below).

Her reason for bolting out of town this weekend was because she couldnít deal with Motherís day. But of course things arenít that easy. She was also invited by a friend to go see the sights. A male friend who at the end of the weekend professed his ďloveĒ for her. The fact that she told me is good. But the fact that she is considering going on another trip with this man in the future does bother me. I have come up with a plan to make her understand why itís wrong for her to continue hanging out with this man. Now of course thereís the obvious question that I had to ask her. Did she sleep with this guy. During the weekend I thought about how she didnít respond to my text messages at night and my thought process went right to thinking that of course she wasnít texting me back, she was too busy sleeping with this guy. Logically I donít think it happened, but in my gut I still have some doubt. She told she didnít, and that when he said he was in love with her that she was not pleased... and supposedly told him so. But then she says sheís going to go on another trip with this guy. Not right, not cool. But yeah, I have something prepared that Iím going to say to her that itís not OK for her to be with this man, even if he is only a friend. I trust her, but trust is fragile and can easily be broken.

A few weeks ago when TheGirl broke up with me she didnít like that I spent the day after the break-up with a former mutual co-worker at a bar. After we got back together I told TheGirl that this former co-worker asked me if I wanted to be her fuck buddy. I refused, mainly because I donít feel sexually attracted to this woman, nor did I even like her all that much. I was lonely, and I didnít want to just go home. This is why I hung out with her that Thursday night. Well, long story short, TheGirl didnít like that she had said that to me, even though we were broken up and at the time had no idea that we would get back together again. TheGirl asked me to ďun-friendĒ the co-worker on Facebook as a gesture. Well, thatís nearly the same stance Iím going to use for this friend of hers. If she doesnít like it, sheís a hypocrite.

I fear that my days with TheGirl might suddenly be numbered again. This time last year, near June, she broke up with me the first time. It devastated me. The second break-up was in Feb of this year. It hurt, a lot. The next break-up will still hurt, but I think that it wonít be nearly as bad as the last two. Part of me wants to break it just because I canít take this gut feeling that TheGirl is setting me up. But I love her, and Iím giving her the benefit of the doubt. Because thatís my nature. I have to take her at face value. And if sheís saying that she loves me, and that she doesnít want to sleep around on peopleís backs, then I believe she isnít. But if she is, itís definitely over. And I know exactly who Iím going to try and drown my sorrows in. And it wonít be the former co-worker.

I have to think logically that TheGirl is going through a lot and this is why she is acting strange. I would think that losing your job is something that would throw most of us off center. So Iíll dismiss these actions as the actions of a person whose whole life is in a terrible limbo. If this promised job does come to fruition then I think weíll return to normal. If it all goes to pot, our relationship is definitely going to suffer.

End Communication.

previous entry   /  newest   /  archive   /  next entry

american ecstasy   /  diaryland