|TheGirl and I were planning on going to Big Sur for our anniversary. But since there isnít an anniversary to celebrate anymore she told me she couldnít go. Oh, and that she doesnít have the money to go now. Which is true. But I think her first answer, about not feeling comfortable going away with me after our break-up on a romantic weekend was appropriate is the real truth. Even though weíre still sleeping together. Whatever.
So I told myself that I should still go up there the last weekend of the month. But then I said no, and then said yes. Then I figured I would go to Vegas instead. See the sights that I didnít see the last time I was there with TheGirl. Which, I might add, was pretty much EVERYTHING. I saw a couple of BS spots, and thatís that. So yeah, I also wanted to go to Vegas.
Today I was paying my credit card bills and saw that the place in Big Sur had already changed me. And that told me I should just go up there. I want to go up there and take some wicked beautiful pictures. The anniversary with TheGirl was meant to be a romantic get-away where we would hike, I would take pictures, and we would make love. The first two can still happen without her, and will. I decided to go up there on my own and enjoy myself. I need to stop doing things for her. I moved my schedule partially for her so I could spend more time during the weekends with her. But also because I needed not to work Sundays anymore. My last two paychecks with Glendale were quite nice. Made nearly 50% more than my usual fortnightís worth.
It would be nice to travel up to Big Sur with a nice lady, or TheGirl. But neither of those things are going to happen. There isnít enough time to find a girl who will want to travel overnight with me. And TheGirl already has plans to house sit that weekend. She can lump it. Iím going to love Big Sur.* * * * * *
Today was my first Sunday off in four years (not counting the few Sundays that were holidays). I donít work on Sundays anymore, and this is going to be capital when football season comes long. But today was pretty boring. I didnít go much. I didnít even shower. Iím sitting here watching a movie Iíve had since last month, perhaps two months back. Next weekend is going to be a little harder to find stuff to do, since TheGirl is going to be spending it with her ďfriend.Ē Thatís the thing about attaching your whole life to one person. When theyíre gone you donít have anything but an empty plate. I used to go out nearly every weekend to take photographs around town. I havenít done that in the time I was with TheGirl. Except the occasional time I went with her. So now I have to get used to not having her as an outlet for my time. Itís like when someone dies. You are so used to having them around that when theyíre gone you canít remember how it was before they came into your life. Itís only been two short years and in that time my life became totally devoted to spending time with TheGirl. Now that that time is going to be less devoted to her, and will continue to wain in the coming months, I have to find something to do. Of course sleeping in and jerking off on the weekends sounds like a good plan. Itís not really what Iím looking forward to doing. The librarian Iíve been talking to who now works at Santa Monica and I have talked about going on some photo missions around town. But she has to get settled into her new job, and then we can try and explore this city. That Iím looking forward to. I need to stop devoting so much time to TheGirl. Yes, I still love her, and want to spend as much time with her even though weíre only friends/fuck-buddies. However, I also need to move on.* * * * * *
I gave away some old clothes to Goodwill today (pictured above). I need to get rid of the things that I donít need in my life. I told TheGirl last night that she needs to figure out what she wants. The same goes for me. I need to figure out what I want. I certainly donít want a relationship right now, especially since I still have a foot in my last one. It was a great relationship. But I need to mourn it... another thing I havenít done. I need a drink. And Iím going to get one.