| It�s been quite a while since I�ve journaled. I keep a running tab on my homepage, but those of you who read this will know where to see that. Since I last wrote things haven�t changed much between TheGirl and I. Although, about a week and a half ago she says that she wants to go to Big Sur with me. Seeing as I�ve been talking about it with such passion. So I booked a room in Monterey for the last weekend in September. Woo! Why woo? Because, I get to go back to Big Sur. And this time I get to share it with TheGirl. Mind you, I�m not expecting this trip to spark something inside her to love me again. I don�t even want that. This �situation� how it is right now actually feels pretty good. I get to enjoy the perks of a pseudo relationship (sleeping together, hanging out, and having my best friend). And... I also get to seek someone that does want a commitment. Because one of the things that really came into focus in Big Sur was this idea that TheGirl and I had a future together. We don�t. A few weeks ago I didn�t want to believe that. I fought the idea, and I voiced it to TheGirl. I would put down TheChisel, in hopes that she would realize that a mistake she made. Now I know that whatever happens is going to happen. Nothing I do is going to fix that. And that distance has been healing. Strangely enough, my distance has made TheGirl grow closer. I sense it. The things she says about TheChisel aren�t flattering to him. It makes it sound like she really doesn�t like spending that much time with him. Let�s not be fooled though, she does like spending time with him. Because if she didn�t she wouldn�t. Whatever he fulfills in her is something I don�t. That�s fine too. I�m OK with her choice now, because my eyes have been open. I poured my soul into our relationship and got a nice time out of it, and a broken heart. What else did I expect? A cookie? I�m good with it now. She�s the one that�s still unhappy. I�m happy. Always have been. I�ll continue to be so. She hasn�t found happiness, and her explorations only reveal how insecure and unhappy she really is. So yeah... I�m super hyped to go up to Big Sur again. I�m going to take even more pictures. End Communication |
