The last time I wrote an actual journal entry was the day before going up to Big Sur with TheGirl. Just over a couple of weeks ago. My second trip to Big Sur was wonderful. Sharing that place with TheGirl was something I wanted to do since before my last trip. If you don’t keep up with my goings on, the last trip I took up to Big Sur was a couple of months ago at the end of July. It was meant to be a trip for two, marking TheGirl and I’s two year anniversary. Alas, I went alone because in the interim she broke up with me. So it is a funny turn of events that she went with me now, so many months after the break-up. But life is strange. Right now she’s sharing her weekend with TheChisel. A poor clueless sap that has become entrapped in TheGirl’s web... much like I have. He’s relationship with her is at a standstill because TheGirl doesn’t just want to be with him. I feel for him, even though I guess I shouldn’t, because he’s me. Only I don’t want a relationship with TheGirl any more. Check that, I’m still in a relationship with TheGirl, only it’s been modified to include her want for “freedom.” Freedom meaning she wants to recreate her marriage. Enough with the analyzing, this isn’t about that.
Big Sur was wonderful. I took fewer pictures, but I took better ones. The weather was more cooperative in that there was more sun. It was perfect up there, as you may have seen from the pictures I posted on a previous entry. Big Sur put the zap in my way before my last trip, but it really put it during my “was gonna be anniversary” trip. This time I could see that zap in TheGirl. From the moment she witnessed the size and beauty of Big Sur she was hooked. She wants to go back as soon as she passes her probation period at work. I can’t blame her, I want to go back right now. Money prevents me from booking another stay, but another part of me couldn’t care less about how much money I would be spending on another trip. I just want to go.
As mentioned, TheGirl started her new job. The job, she says, is way cool. She lik es it, though she’s not always sure what she has to do, or how to do it. She used to work this kind of job about 20 years ago. And while some things, she mentions, have not changed, other things have. Mainly the use of computers. Twenty years ago it was still all paper. Today, computers dominate. The commute to Santa Monica is the hardest thing she’s dealing with. She’s leaving her place at 6am in order to make it to Santa Monica by 7:30am. Her boss said it was OK for her to start that early, but for now. In a few weeks she’s going to have to work until 5pm, which means starting at 8am. That means hitting more traffic at a later hour, or arriving half an hour earlier every day. I can see how tired the commute makes her. Now she understands why I fall asleep so fast. This past Thursday I worked a seven hour shift at Glendale, then went to San Marino to cover an evening shift. Four hours more, totaling eleven hours for the day. It’s like on my Mondays and Tuesdays, I work a four hour shift in the morning then a five hour shift in the evenings. I typically get home at 10pm. So yeah, now she gets how come I fall asleep so easily. She admittedly had it easy at the library. I had it easy a decade ago. We adapt. In a few weeks she’ll hate the commute, but it won’t tax her. However, the other day she did tell me that she just burst into tears for no reason. There’s a reason, she doesn’t want to try and figure it out. Simply put, she’s not happy. She has placed herself into a spot where she thought she could find happiness in. Between TheChisel and me felt good for a little while, but she is unfulfilled with either of us. And it’s not our faults. The fault lies with her. She’s unhappy in her soul, and nothing she does short of understanding that and doing something beyond just following some dumb ideas will help her find happiness. She needs to be true to herself. She has to find herself first.
As for me, my supervisor told me I’m getting a raise. Even while they let go of some people at Glendale I have somehow gotten more hours and a raise. It’s easy to see why. I have focused my mind on just going in there and doing a good job, and they have seen that. I don’t care what the assignment is, I’ll do it. Hence more money and more hours. I hope to pay off some bills faster now.
Tonight I’m going to see TheGirl after TheChisel has left, and after the birthday party for my second cousins. I bought them some cool Star Wars shirts from Disneyland. Anyway, gotta get going.