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Baggage claim, pointless wishes and bonding -- 04.08.13
 
I donít know if Iíve mentioned this in the past, but my life was quite boring at one point of my life. I didnít get out of the house very much. I didnít have a girlfriend for many years, so I didnít have the problems and pleasures of interpersonal relationships. But, now Iím out of the house 18 hours some days. Leaves very little time to just settle and relax. My interpersonal interaction has yielded some interesting things over the last few years. You might say Iím living. And yes, I dare say that all this excitement is quite fun in the long run. And no, there is no ďbutĒ added at the end of all this. If I only had time to write a book. In lieu of that I write this journal to TRY to convey and remember all the things that happen in my life. Case in point...

For the past few weeks Iíve been flirting with a new co-worker, one that showed up a few weeks ago. Iíve been flirting with her since nearly day one. Sheís flirted back, or so Iíve confirmed since then. Friday of last week she confessed to me that she was in a bad relationship. Actually, abusive relationship was the word she used. I pointedly asked her if what we were doing was flirting with each other, and she confirmed it. She likes me. She said there was a lot to like. Yeah, I bet, like Iím not abusive. So then I had to make a choice, continue to flirt or not. Our budding whatever you want to call it could just stay at a bud. However, Sunday she sent me a text saying that she had broken things off with her beau. She also told me she has a lot of baggage. Duh! Frankly Iím tired of dealing with women with baggage. I like this woman, but I certainly donít want to deal with her years of bullshit, like I had to with TheGirl. Very well, time to move on. Iíll flirt with her, but Iím certainly not going to pursue anything with her now. I wasnít sure I was going to pursue anything beyond flirting anyway. Now Iím sure I wonít. There are less damaged women out there in the wilderness. Not much less damaged, but less nevertheless.

* * * * * *

Someone once told me that they wish something when they look at a digital clock and they see that itís 11:11. I donít usually fall for such things, but there were a couple of things I wanted to test this 11:11 thing on. So, I when I looked at the clock and it read 11:11 I would make a wish. One specific wish. Sure enough, my experiment ended today without that wish coming to fruition. Of course. But whatís funny about this whole thing is that I there was a moment where I really had hope that this wish would come true. It wonít, and so I think that the spell I was under is broken. So much for wishing.

* * * * * *

This past weekend my family and I went to the Huntington library. We had a good time, but the details of the visit arenít as important to me as pointing out something that happened. My cousinís little girls, now four going on five, and I finally bonded. I donít like to push things, but I was wondering when we would bond. I thought that they saw me as a distant person, and I guess I was. I didnít really interact with them. But there was a moment where they called me by name that something clicked inside me and I decided to meet them more than half way with this. I mean, I am the adult. So I fully interacted with them, telling them stuff about ants, plants, not talking down to them, and showing them how to act in a public place. And we had fun. They posed for pictures for me. They held my hand when walking. They were little angels. Iíve bonded with them now. Yup, heartless me has bonded with my cousinís kids. I wondered if it would ever happened, and here it has.

* * * * * *

On Friday I go back up to Big Sur, for my third trip up North in less than a year. Big Surís beauty and isolation beckons me. Hereís something I wrote a few months ago in anticipation to this upcoming trip.

The coast and the ocean are a beautiful contrast. †The ocean looks so vast that it seems like it goes on forever. †And the land is so lush that it feels like there are only a few other humans on the entire Earth. †Iíve never felt so isolated and content as in those moments up in Big Sur. †I donít believe in an afterlife. †But if there was one, I would want ti to look like Big Sur. †The beauty sings to me, and plucks that string that resonates throughout my soul. †It is my idea of perfection. †It is something out of my dreams.

End Communication.

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