The theme for this weekend has been screaming at me like a siren... mendacity.
I watched a movie this morning after going to a fast food joint to pick up some breakfast. The movie is called ďLittle White Lies.Ē Itís a French movie about a group of friends that go off on their yearly vacation together, all the while their friend is in a hospital recovering from a traffic accident. The group of friends all tell lies to each other about how theyíre doing. One guyís girlfriend breaks up with him and he tells the group that she canít make it to their holiday because sheís working. Another guy stays away from this other fella because the second fella told the first guy that he loves him. This particular part of the movie was much like what happened to me and my male co-worker. I wonít run through the entire plot of the movie, because ultimately it was a bit boring a predictable. Also, by the end of the movie none of the plot points have any resolution, except that the friend that was the traffic accident dies. Big surprise that a movie uses the plot device of a dying person to put a bow on top of a turd of a movie. Lazy fucking writers! Come up with a different plot device already!
Real life, that shit is raw. Why couldnít the same non-resolution happen with the friend not dying, but being horribly mangled or suffering brain damage? Hmm? Because a nice pretty death at the end of youíre story is supposed to make you think hmm, that could be me. Brilliant life lesson, movie. The movie, ironically, explores the idea of lies. Lies we tell ourselves, lies we tell others, lies we live with, lies we use to make us feel better. All lies. We pretty much always lie to each other, from what Iíve found. Religion is the biggest lie, but I wonít go into that tonight. I have other fish to fry.
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TheGirl is off camping with TheHusband this weekend. All week sheís been texting me about how she's looking forward to NEXT Sunday when we go off to Disneyland again. Since I was left to my own devices, like last year at this time, I decided to get a bunch of little things done. Mainly cleaning up my room, cleaning up my desk of papers, and catching up on a few things that I've been leaving for a free day. Now I've been chilling in my room, watching old House episodes, some Justice League, and writing this. This, what I'm writing about right now is real life. It's messy and it's raw. TheGirl spending all this time with TheHusband smacks of two years ago when she decided to try and make things work with him. I hate to suspect that this is happening again, despite her protests to the contrary when we talk about it. She protested last time, and yet she did dump me after she told me that she had chosen me over TheHusband. That weekend with him taught her some lessons that hopefully she actually still remembers. Like donít get back with TheHusband. Not that itís any of my business now anyway. Weíre not in a relationship anymore. Perhaps she is telling the truth for once. Perhaps she's just a bullshit artist. I hate to say it, but since my trust in her is shattered I tend to take everything she says with a huge grain of salt.
Tomorrow I'm going to see Iron Man 3 with my homeless buddy. A year to the day when we saw "The Avengers." A year to the day when all this stuff with TheChisel burned in ernest, and all I could do was standby while she went off every other weekend with another man. That time still hurts. I'm amazed that I remained in her life after that. I guess I'm just a fool. But silly me loved her, and those feelings were strong. So strong that I still want her in my life. So strong that part of me would take her back tomorrow. and perhaps me spending this time with her is a way of keeping her close. A pseudo, pseudo relationship in which I donít have to do the boyfriend thing anymore. What she likes is fast and loose, no big commitment. But Iím not good at that no commitment shit. I like devoting myself to one person. I like loving one person, spending my time with that person, being faithful to that person. Itís not a chore to me. It is to her. Like I mentioned a little earlier, TheHusband has been talking to her about getting back together. She says no, she rather it remain how it is now. But soon sheís going to want to finalize the divorce and the shit is going to hit the fan. Itís going to change everything between them. She even told me that she reconsidered getting back with TheHusband, but she told him straight out that she could not be faithful to him. She canít be faithful to anyone. Itís not in her nature. Hence me not wanting to go back with her either. She is wonderful, but she is also poison.
So yeah, a year ago I was dealing with her going off with TheChisel. This year, she can go anywhere she wants for all I care, with anyone she wants to. Speaking of TheChisel, according to TheGirl he is soon to be out of the picture. He didnít stand a chance with this woman. I feel for him on some level, because he was played like I was. Iím patient and I see things how they are. For now TheGirl and I have a good friendship. Sheís mentioned sleeping together again, but I havenít jumped at the idea. There is still a chance I might, but Iím not tempted at the moment. I like us as friends. Besides, there are still too many people swimming in that pool. I donít need to be one of them.