|I served jury duty today. I thankfully didnít get called for any case, and was let out early, 3:30. It was OK, except for the killing of time. I tried to make the most of it and journaled my Sunday and of course today. It wasnít a total loss, I suppose. I finally went to a sandwich place I had heard of over a year ago, but hadnít had the chance to try until today. Mendocino Farms on Grand. Hereís a picture of the sandwich I had, a Farm Club.
So many things Iíve been wanting to write about. Letís start with yesterday. I worked an event yesterday at one of my jobs. It was cool, and pretty easy. I played Angry Birds while the recital went on. The bulk of the work with these events is set-up and take down. The middle is just monitor and chill.
TheGirl went off with her daughter to Hearstís Castle. Of course I wasnít invited, nor did I want to go. I already went a couple of months ago and had a great time without any accompaniment. I dropped a hint at TheGirl that we might have dinner at one of our favorite places on Sunday when she came back. She kinda let it slide without really saying anything. I knew that meant she either didnít want to, or had other plans. She enough around 3pm she sends me a text saying that she would be too tired to go to dinner. Later in the night she texts me to say she had dinner with TheHusband. So once again she pulls this move on me. Iím a dope. Although, I already knew she would flake, and I had other plans all ready. LM had said she wanted to hang out after work. In a series of texts we went from hey and canít wait to see you to donít show up. But I salvaged the whole thing and I did go over to LMís after work. She showed me her tiny room and we sat on her bed. She got closer, I got excited, she brushed her hand against my hard-on, and we made out. Things were going to the inevitable end when LM says, ďThatís my landlady,Ē and bolts up out of bed. That was followed by a, ďDammit!Ē Apparently her landlady is all up in her business. When LMís fella came to visit last month they stayed at a hotel the whole time because she didnít want her landlady to meet the guy, or hear them having sex. According to her they only had sex the last night of his visit anyway. Right after his plane touched down back in England he broke up with her. Hence us talking and flirting and making out a couple of weeks back. This was going to be our first time sleeping together in something like four years. But we were thwarted by landlady! Next time.* * * * * *
Saturday was uneventful, but everything dumb seemed to coalesce on Friday. Work was a clusterfuck of me having to be on the front desk for six of my eight hour shift. It did make the time go faster, but it was kinda rough since I was on my feet the entire time. After work a San Marino co-worker arranged for all of us to meet up in Old Town and have dinner and drinks. That didnít turn out to be uneventful either, because while I was waiting for my co-workers to arrive I saw TheGirl and TheChisel strolling along Colorado. I thought of ducking into a nearby store, but decided to just keep my head down and stare at my iPhone. She texted me later in the night, most likely after TheChisel left her place, to ask me if I was in Old Town. ďYeah, how did you know,Ē I asked her. She went on to tell me that her daughter saw me, but that she didnít mention anything because they were with TheChisel. Actually she didnít mention it was TheChisel. Just that she was accompanied. Iíve seen pictures of them together, but I didnít want to ever see them in person together. I knew that I would just ignore them, ignore her. One of these days it will happen again and this time she wonít have the lines of communication open to ask me if it was me. Sheíll know it was me, because like this time she will see me. She saw me this time, Iím sure. I was wearing my favorite Big Sur shirt, I couldnít be missed. She passed within four feet of me, she saw me.
It is crazy how much I loved that woman once. I do still love her, but the amount is 1/10th that of my loveís peak. Now I love her as a friend, not as a girlfriend or a lover. She isnít those things any more. Suffice to say my love was complete.* * * * * *
Iím thinking of taking off and going up to Big Sur to write during the Thanksgiving holiday. Thereís nothing for me here on those days. Thanksgiving is a shit holiday anyway. I rather spent it alone. Iíve been wanting to pull the trigger on booking a room for that weekend, but I havenít. Also, I have to postpone my San Francisco trip. Perhaps until January. Sucks.
Iím going back up to Big Sur in less than three weeks. Eighteen days to be exact. Wow, when did the countdown become so small? It seemed like yesterday that I was saying there was over a month to go. Now it will be here before I know it.
Last May I wrote the following in anticipation for my first dedicated trip to Big Sur. It was meant to be an anniversary trip for TheGirl and me. Of course that all went to pot, so what I wrote has just sat there with no place to go. I actually forgot about it, but then I found it while looking at some old file on my online documents. I think itís appropriate to share it now.
I booked TheGirl and I a room at Deetjenís in Big Sur for our anniversary in July. I remember driving up there on my Monterey trip seven years ago and thinking how cool it would be to stay there someday. Well, come July it will be some day. I gave TheGirl two choices for a trip on our anniversary: San Francisco or Big Sur. She choose Big Sur since neither of us have really been there. I say that because despite passing through Big Sur on my way to Monterey, I didnít really spend any time there. It was literally just passing through. It put the zap in me though, to the point that Iíve wanted to go back ever since. Now we get to celebrate our anniversary up in what I believe is the nearest thing to Heaven on Earth Iíve ever seen.
The coast and the ocean are a beautiful contrast. The ocean looks so vast that it seems like it goes on forever. And the land is so lush that it feels like there are only a few other humans on the entire Earth. Iíve never felt so isolated and content as in those moments up in Big Sur. I donít believe in an afterlife. But if there was one, I would want it to look like Big Sur. The beauty sings to me, and plucks that string that resonates throughout my soul. It is my idea of perfection. It is something out of my dreams.
Is it any wonder that I would want to return to such a place with a woman who I feel the same awe for as Big Sur?
If you read this journal you will perhaps remember that I went up on that trip by myself and found enlightenment. TheGirl says that I was meant to go up there by myself. I donít know about all that ďmeantĒ stuff, but it was better that I went up there alone. Alone is how we experience the world. Alone I was able to find a place of pure inner knowledge. So yeah, in that sense TheGirl was right to say I was meant to go alone. That first trip changed my life. It caused me to experience a moment of pure delight and wonder. A moment in time that when I think of it I burst in to tears of joy. I think that we can now bisect my life into the first half, before Big Sur, and the second half (hopefully), after Big Sur.