previous entry   /  newest   /  archive   /  next entry

Big chicken dummy -- 12.09.13
Sunday was supposed to be the big day that I tell TheDesire that I like her. Course I didn't go ahead and do it. I'm like the BIGGEST chicken on Earth. The day went super well, despite me failing to once again tell her how I feel. I picked her up at the library, where one of our co-workers saw TheDesire getting into my car. We went downtown and parking in Pershing Square. TheDesire was hungry, so I suggested going to Central market. We ended up finding a nice kabob place there. She forgot her credit card, so I ended up buying us lunch. It was yummy, and it's always nice to have a nice meal with a girl. It establishes something of a foundation. Chris Rock has a routine where he says that if you don't like eating with someone and don't like fucking them then you all shouldn't be together. I like eating with TheDesire, and I have no idea what sleeping with her is like. I like to think it's wonderful, but certainly I don't have any first hand knowledge. After a quick lunch we walked down to the Orpheum. TheDesire was interested in checking out some of the sights on Broadway. They aren't great sights, but she was interested in checking out some of the shops there. She had never been on Broadway.

We arrived at the theater and looked around. The was impressed with how beautiful the movie palace looked. Those old movie palaces were something grand. They made moviegoing an event. I think that TheDesire was properly impressed by this new experience. The movie was shown, though it was an old print and it showed its age. Having seen the movie on Blu-ray the print that they showed was not of the same picture quality. But, it wasn't about that with this movie. The print was aside the point. I wanted to spend this time with TheDesire. She liked the movie, but called it depressing. She is definitely depressed. She tries not to show it, but she is still sad. She has a great many things to be sad about: her brother's suicide, and her broken relationship.

I wish I had the courage to tell her how I feel. I rehearsed something I wanted to tell her, but of course didn't. Something akin to, "I don't want to just date you. I want this thing to lead to a life together, with kids and the whole nine yards." I'm that serious about this. I don't want to run around looking for another relationship that's going to last a few years and then end. I've always entered a relationship with the hope that it was the last one. That it would be the one I would have for the rest of my life. That it hasn't happened doesn't mean it won't. I want TheDesire to be that woman. I don't know where these feelings are coming from, seeing as I don't even know TheDesire well enough. Yet, I feel this want to settle down with her. To start a family with her. It sounds perfectly silly, but the thought has not left my mind since it first appeared a few weeks ago. After the movie we went to Starbucks, where after finding her credit card she bought me a hot chocolate. We talked while we walked back to the car. I took her back to our rendezvous location and she went on her merry way. She had a holiday party to attend. THAT was the moment I wanted to finally tell her, but my hesitation and lack of balls left me just holding the bag again.

* * * * * *

Holly bible sold with a fiction label on it? Amen to that.

End Communication.

previous entry   /  newest   /  archive   /  next entry

american ecstasy   /  diaryland