previous entry   /  newest   /  archive   /  next entry

TheDesire still lingers -- 02.01.14
I wanted to sleep-in this morning, but a few days ago I received an email saying that the United Artist theater downtown was going to have a tour. I wanted to go, so I bought a ticket earlier this week and took myself down there. No TheDesire, just me. A day just for me. The theater was really gorgeous inside and out. I love these old movie palaces. Despite the fact that many of them have been closed along Broadway, they have had the luck of not being destroyed or out and out demolished. And thankfully many of them have been restored, or are being restored. Too bad all of them aren't back to their former glory. It's a slice of Los Angeles history that we haven't wiped away, and that needs to be remembered. After the tour of the UA theater I went to the Last Bookstore. I walked around, it was kinda neat. I mean, it is JUST a bookstore. After the bookstore visit, which wasn't more than ten minutes, I walked back to the car wondering if I should go to the Natural History museum as well today. I decided against it, because I just wanted to rest today. Waking up early threw a wrench into that idea, but at least I could go back home and chill. I did. I passed out at my desk. I should just be asleep right now, but I'm doing this instead.

Which brings me to my thoughts about the other night with TheDesire. Thursday night I helped her out with her music event. An event that was over a year in the making. Last year around this time she and I laid out the foundation for what would be her grant proposal. A year later the grant paid for a load of instruments. TheDesire asked me to work the event, but I volunteered because I can�t go over my hours at work.

The event was pretty cool, and went well. One kid I was showing the trumpet to liked it so much that he might switch from violin to trumpet next year. Too cool. The real news was at the end of the night. I was left waiting in the dock area of the library when I heard from the elevator a pair of voices talking. One was the performer from tonight's event, and the other was TheDesire. Here's what I heard.

performer: he's not your boyfriend
TheDesire: no, he's just a friend

I don't know the context of the whole thing, but I was the ONLY male left at the end of the night. My intuition tells me that the performer asked TheDesire if I was her boyfriend. The reason why I think this is because we spent a lot of time together tonight. TheDesire was touchy flirty more than a few times tonight as we sat next to each other on the stage before helping to clean up. To cut to the chase, if you had observed us it would have looked like we were a couple. I�ll admit, mainly because when I interact with TheDesire I am flirty and really focused on her. Now if TheDesire would rethink this whole "must be with an Armenian man" thing I MIGHT have a slight chance. It really hurt because tonight made those old feelings come back for her. I REALLY wanted to kiss her at the end of the night when we were standing outside the library in front of her car. She made some excuse for not hanging out with me. Something about taking her mother home. I didn't expect to hang out, she brought that up. She gave everyone a card of thanks. In the card she thanks me for being there from the start of this whole thing. I had put my feelings aside for TheDesire, knowing I didn't have a chance. Tonight made some of those feelings come back, stronger than ever. I know this is just a big set-up for another fall. I'm a fool. Yeah, but I'm a fool that still likes TheDesire. Seeing her interact with a young girl made me really want to give her those kids she desires. I think we would make beautiful babies. Wow, I can't believe I just said and think that. I best not get my hopes up.

Then again, if that woman was asking about us as a couple, as I suspect she was, then something about the vibes we were sending out said to her that TheDesire and I were together. It was enough that it compelled her enough to mention it to her. Of course, she could have been talking about something else entirely. Like a million other things that at the end of the conversation, where I picked it up, could sound like she was talking about us. Mainly because I'm hopeful. I do hate to say that despite TheDesire turning me down I have some hope that the lady from Carmel was right about the new job and the new love. I looked back at my entries and it's been about a year since I mentioned that I was developing a crush on TheDesire. To be truthful, I've always had a bit of a crush on her. She's beautiful, so that instantly attracted me to her. Aside from that I've always had a crush on her, based on personality. I think she's super nice, if not a little flaky. But.. to her credit, she is critical of herself, and wants to improve herself. Like I do. Well, I'll go on hoping that there still might be a chance to win her over. If I JUST stick around, she might just figure this out one day.

End Communication.

previous entry   /  newest   /  archive   /  next entry

american ecstasy   /  diaryland