previous entry   /  newest   /  archive   /  next entry

Dinner with TheDesire -- 05.18.14
 
Here I am again, excited because Iím going to have dinner with TheDesire. Iíll cut to the chase, since I have to get ready for work. I asked her if she wanted to catch up and have dinner with me about three weeks ago. She had to postpone at the last minute last week because she went out drinking with some friends and came home and threw up. Her parents went ballistic and she felt it would be insulting to go out to dinner the following night. Which was the night we were going to have dinner. Fast forward to this week. Nothing in the way this week. Tonight, we have dinner.

My buddy and I, and a couple of other people, have tried to analyze all this. Mainly, why do I keep asking to hang out with her, and why she does hang out with me. First the why do I ask her to hang out. Duh, thatís the easiest answer. I like her. I like her a lot. After she rejected my offer to go out on a date I retracted my feelings and tried to move on. But somewhere along the way I started to like her more. Like really like her more. I felt she was in need of something. I wanted to be that something more than ever. Itís stupid, because I know another person isnít the solution to problems. However, that nice feeling you get when youíre with someone you like does lift you. It does make you feel a little better. It does give you a spring in your step. I donít know, I hoped that my attraction to her were mutual.

Why does she still hang out with me? I think that answer is simple as well. She likes the attention. TheDesire is damn attractive. I know that nearly everyone at work feels she is the most attractive woman there. Also, sheís genuinely nice. My buddy said that TheDesire doesnít put on an act. She just is nice. I know that she tries to put on a front to present herself as more ďmanagerial,Ē but she does that because she feels people wonít respect her otherwise. I know they respect her. Because she is a sweet person.

In short, I ask her because despite being turned down I have hope that she will change her mind. I like TheDesire. Also, I like torturing myself. One last thing. I think that I do have a chance. Mainly because I know thereís a connection between us. She maintains a distance because of cultural issues. Mind you, I do understand that our connection could simply be a good friendship, rather than a romantic feeling on her part. of course I hope thatís not the case. I donít know, I think we click. I think we would be good together. Iíll probably never know. I just wish that her hanging out with me meant something more. That at the end of the the night I could kiss her and she would just say, ďIím glad you did that.Ē Because I do like her. Iím not going to fall in love with an idea, a possibility. Iíve done that in the past before and it serves no purpose. Especially at my age. So tonight weíll have dinner. Iíll try to mention possibly driving up to Cambria next Monday (Memorial day) for a day trip. Iíve never spent the entire day with her.

End Communication.

previous entry   /  newest   /  archive   /  next entry

american ecstasy   /  diaryland