|July 4th is the first day off Iíve had in nearly two weeks. Twelve days, to be exact. But instead of it being enjoyable, it was agonizing thanks to my aunt. She is retired now, so she spends all day here at home just doing I donít know what. Cleaning, I think she says. When Iím home itís an opportunity to talk to someone. All week I answer questions at work. On my day off I just want to relax and do nothing. But, that plan is seemingly always thwarted by my auntís desire to ask me a million questions. Today it was ďdo you want to eat?Ē seemingly every fucking fifteen minutes. I ate breakfast, but then didnít eat until 5pm. I wasnít hungry. I was watching TV, doing some work on my computer. The thought of food was off my mind, so I didnít get hungry. I know she is only asking because sheís concerned, but I am a grown man. I can take care of myself. I can feed myself. If I canít cook then I can always just go out and get something to eat somewhere. I really donít want to deal with these days off with her in the house. My days off becomes torturous. All I want to do is nothing. But thatís too much to ask these days. There was a time in my past when I didnít do much than exist. For years that was my reality. Oh, I had some things to do here and there, but it wasnít like today where I go to work six days a week. I think Iím going to go out to work on my supposed one day off a week, Saturdays. I might just drive out to San Marino and sleep in my office. I almost wish there was a room I could go to on my time off and sit there without anyone knowing I was there. I think the next best thing is going to be my office at work.
I hate that itís come to this, but I canít go on week after week having my one day off ruined by my aunt asking me a million questions, and generally putting a damper on my time off.* * * * * *
Other news, since my last update some things have happen, and hereís the rundown.
As of this past Monday Iím not working at the Montrose branch any more. New schedules, and budget cuts have forced me out. Thankfully my supervisor at Central told me that I could make up those hours at Central. My biggest fear was losing those hours without having a way to replace them. But both my jobs stepped up and gave me those hours. I went with my Glendale job over my San Marino job because they pay me better. Though the work is easier at San Marino.
My coworker H gave me a line to a nice deal for a hotel in Carmel. I donít see myself taking a trip soon because I have some big bills coming up. The tax payments on the house are going to be due soon. I donít have the cash, but I have part of it. I need to save up. However, the deal for Carmel was too good to pass up, so I jumped at it. I paid for it, and booked the room for the weekend of Nov 7th. I asked one of the girls at work if she wanted to go, and she said she needs to save up for it. But, now Iím thinking it was a bad idea to ask her. Not because I donít want to get to know her better, and hopefully pursue something with her. But because Iím pretty sure she doesnít have the same idea. Like how TheDesire and I will never be together because of tradition and shit, this one has the same shit deal.
Speaking of TheDesire, Iíve given up trying with her. In the middle of last month I texted TheDesire that I wanted to go to the Hollywood Bowl.† I didn't even say it would be with her, but she took it to mean I wanted to go with her.† Which is correct.† You can read the texts above and see what was said.† She mentioned that it was an activity that should be done with a "significant other." Why would she go with me, I'm not a significant other.† She reserves the right to go to the Bowl with only a significant other.† It nearly ruined my day to read that.† I told myself that I need to back off for a while.† I need to think about her.† I need to once and for all forget that I have a chance with her.† Because, it's that little bit of hope that makes me continue down this dead-end path.
This past Thursday was only the third time Iíve seen her since that night of my text. I havenít texted her since. She was out of town for a convention most of last week, and some of this week. But on my route I saw her. I kept our conversation polite, but I made sure to keep it short. She mentioned it was a long time since she saw me. Yes, it had been. That dinner last month was the last significant time weíve spent together. My buddy mentioned that it was quite incredible that I spent any time with her at all. This sort of thing isnít new to me though. Iíve often spent time with the objects of my desire, only seemingly to serve as a torture device. To be so close to that desire, but ultimately never really have a chance to get closer. Itís my curse, I suppose.* * * * * *
TheGirl moved out of her place, and is now living in North Hollywood. Her dog didnít take a liking to me at first, but now sheís fine with me. That dog has turned her life completely upside down, but she loves it. Itís funny how she couldnít commit to me completely, as I did to her, but she can commit to a dog. Probably because she thinks the dog is going to be absolutely loyal. I guess.* * * * * *
Lastly tonight, the above book cover. I fixed it to mean what it is really trying to say.