| July 4th is the first day off I�ve had in nearly two weeks. Twelve days, to be exact. But instead of it being enjoyable, it was agonizing thanks to my aunt. She is retired now, so she spends all day here at home just doing I don�t know what. Cleaning, I think she says. When I�m home it�s an opportunity to talk to someone. All week I answer questions at work. On my day off I just want to relax and do nothing. But, that plan is seemingly always thwarted by my aunt�s desire to ask me a million questions. Today it was �do you want to eat?� seemingly every fucking fifteen minutes. I ate breakfast, but then didn�t eat until 5pm. I wasn�t hungry. I was watching TV, doing some work on my computer. The thought of food was off my mind, so I didn�t get hungry. I know she is only asking because she�s concerned, but I am a grown man. I can take care of myself. I can feed myself. If I can�t cook then I can always just go out and get something to eat somewhere. I really don�t want to deal with these days off with her in the house. My days off becomes torturous. All I want to do is nothing. But that�s too much to ask these days. There was a time in my past when I didn�t do much than exist. For years that was my reality. Oh, I had some things to do here and there, but it wasn�t like today where I go to work six days a week. I think I�m going to go out to work on my supposed one day off a week, Saturdays. I might just drive out to San Marino and sleep in my office. I almost wish there was a room I could go to on my time off and sit there without anyone knowing I was there. I think the next best thing is going to be my office at work. I hate that it�s come to this, but I can�t go on week after week having my one day off ruined by my aunt asking me a million questions, and generally putting a damper on my time off. * * * * * *Other news, since my last update some things have happen, and here�s the rundown.
As of this past Monday I�m not working at the Montrose branch any more. New schedules, and budget cuts have forced me out. Thankfully my supervisor at Central told me that I could make up those hours at Central. My biggest fear was losing those hours without having a way to replace them. But both my jobs stepped up and gave me those hours. I went with my Glendale job over my San Marino job because they pay me better. Though the work is easier at San Marino. My coworker H gave me a line to a nice deal for a hotel in Carmel. I don�t see myself taking a trip soon because I have some big bills coming up. The tax payments on the house are going to be due soon. I don�t have the cash, but I have part of it. I need to save up. However, the deal for Carmel was too good to pass up, so I jumped at it. I paid for it, and booked the room for the weekend of Nov 7th. I asked one of the girls at work if she wanted to go, and she said she needs to save up for it. But, now I�m thinking it was a bad idea to ask her. Not because I don�t want to get to know her better, and hopefully pursue something with her. But because I�m pretty sure she doesn�t have the same idea. Like how TheDesire and I will never be together because of tradition and shit, this one has the same shit deal. Speaking of TheDesire, I�ve given up trying with her. In the middle of last month I texted TheDesire that I wanted to go to the Hollywood Bowl.� I didn't even say it would be with her, but she took it to mean I wanted to go with her.� Which is correct.� You can read the texts above and see what was said.� She mentioned that it was an activity that should be done with a "significant other." Why would she go with me, I'm not a significant other.� She reserves the right to go to the Bowl with only a significant other.� It nearly ruined my day to read that.� I told myself that I need to back off for a while.� I need to think about her.� I need to once and for all forget that I have a chance with her.� Because, it's that little bit of hope that makes me continue down this dead-end path. This past Thursday was only the third time I�ve seen her since that night of my text. I haven�t texted her since. She was out of town for a convention most of last week, and some of this week. But on my route I saw her. I kept our conversation polite, but I made sure to keep it short. She mentioned it was a long time since she saw me. Yes, it had been. That dinner last month was the last significant time we�ve spent together. My buddy mentioned that it was quite incredible that I spent any time with her at all. This sort of thing isn�t new to me though. I�ve often spent time with the objects of my desire, only seemingly to serve as a torture device. To be so close to that desire, but ultimately never really have a chance to get closer. It�s my curse, I suppose. * * * * * *TheGirl moved out of her place, and is now living in North Hollywood. Her dog didn�t take a liking to me at first, but now she�s fine with me. That dog has turned her life completely upside down, but she loves it. It�s funny how she couldn�t commit to me completely, as I did to her, but she can commit to a dog. Probably because she thinks the dog is going to be absolutely loyal. I guess. * * * * * *
 Lastly tonight, the above book cover. I fixed it to mean what it is really trying to say. End Communication. |
