| Do you ever just get a feeling of loneliness that comes over you like an ocean wave crashing against you? I was seconds away from shutting it down for the night and getting to bed when a wave of loneliness came over me. I'm not one to need people around me, at least I didn't before. I'm an only child, and growing up I had to deal with the fact that I was alone. I adjusted well, I think. I played by myself, and found myself to be quite a nice person to boot. However, in the last few years I've come out of my shell, so to speak. I've become a little more of a social being. Where once I was the quietest kid in class, I now tend to be one of the talkative people in any given group. However, this transformation is relatively new in my life. I'm still trying to adjust to the fact that at times I want nothing more than to be alone in my room, and at other times I want nothing more than to talk until my voice gives out. I've come to depend on a small group of people to supply an outlet for those times that I'm feeling verbose. A.Mouse for one, Anne and her daughter have been there to listen to my stupidity as of late. But, right now it's past midnight and the only person I would call at this time is A.Mouse. However, she's out of town for the next week and a a few days and Anne is asleep. Besides, Anne would talk my ear off, but I like that about her. I like a lot of things about Anne. I consider Anne and her daughter Michelle to be as close as family, closer at times, if that is possible. I say closer because I'm not too close to a majority of my family. My family pretty much consists of my Grandmother and my aunt, Anne and Michelle... That's it. They also happen to be my best friends in the whole wide world. My love and closness to my Grandmother is a given. She, along with my Mother (God rest her soul) raised me. And, now that my mother has passed all that I have is my Grandmother. My aunt is the nicest aunt I have, and I do care for her so much. Then comes Anne, who is like an older sister to me. I had a crush on her once, but that was long ago. I think back to those days and compare it to the reality of today, and I like the reality of today more. As for Michelle, well, I don't have the words to describe my devotion to her. In the four, going on five, years since I've become close to her I've seen her grow from a child to a young lady. She literally saved my life, though she doesn't know that yet. I've wanted to tell her how that spark brought me back from the edge more that once, but I've been reluctant to do so. I think I was just waiting for her to grow to the point where she could appreciate what I was trying to tell her. Sorta selfish on my part, if you think about it. However, it was her spark and love of life that kept me from following my mother to the great beyond, and I think that isn't a small feat. I think about how proud I am of her just for being herself and I can't help but have my heart swell, like Kevin Spacey says in American Beauty, "Like a balloon that's about to burst... And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain and I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life...." |
